On Life After Lockup, Lacey and Shane Whitlow move to their new home. But the suburban bliss is short lived. Shane finds texts that show Lacey is still talking to her ex John. And the two have a screaming match in the front yard.
Angela is still burning everything in sight after finding out about Tony’s sexcapades at the Three Way Inn. Marcelino Santiago attempts to find a real job after Brittany Dodd nags him. Michael Simmons sits down with Megan’s pop.
And, Sarah Simmons finds a paper trail of women and cash that leads straight to Michael. Love After Lockup’s original convict Lamar Jackson leaves LA to return to Utah. And immediately misses his Cali home. Grab the extinguisher, a box of wine and let’s get this recap started. Life After Lockup airs Friday nights on WE TV at 9 PM.
Life After Lockup Recap: Lacey & Shane Whitlow Are Movin’ On Up
On Life After Lockup, the newlyweds Lacey and hubby Shane Whitlow are making a fresh start in a new home in a cozy suburban neighborhood. Shane Whitlow, who carried his bottle of vodka along for the ride can’t get over how shiny the floors are. The two check out the shower and WEtv graciously pipes in a catchy porno tune as Shane sets his drink down and dry humps his new bride from behind. But the bliss is short-lived. The Love After Lockup kids arrive and one of them weeps. Shane chalks it up to the new house. But really it’s his new step dad’s 90’s eyebrow piercing that has driven the tot to tears.
This Life After Lockup recap reports Lacey slinks out back to talk with her dad, John. She admits she’s worried about her ex (also named John, or as she calls him “Chon”). It seems he texted her that his chest hurt and then went silent. Lacey’s dad who’s endured his daughter’s bulls*t with men for years knows exactly where this is going. He suggests Lacey come clean to Shane. Who’s still inside staring at his reflection in the floor. Pop also reminds her if the roles were reversed she’d be burning mattresses and sh*t just like Angela.
Later on Life After Lockup, Shane has switched from vodka to beer. He sees Lacey’s phone blowing up. It’s a text from her token reality show best friend Miranda. And it’s about John. Shane runs out into the front yard screaming about how he’s a good man and Chon is not going to be a part of their lives. Lacey reminds him that the neighbors are watching. She also tells him that she’s a grown woman and can see any man she likes. No husband is going to tell Lacey who she can and can’t date.
Shane goes in and lobs a beer can at the fridge. Then he shuts production out of the house. Lacey leaves and says they are done.
Related Story: Lacey covered in scratches and bruises and implies Shane did it.
— Jazzie🖤⚔ (@Witch_OfEastEnd) January 11, 2020
Burn Baby Burn: Life After Lockup Recap with Angela & Tony
Because Life After Lockup is just so good, we pick up with Angela still burning everything in sight. Her sister stops by and Angie breaks the news about Tony being a makeshift pimp and messing with prostitutes. Sis says I told you so. And then twists the knife by saying “for someone so educated you sure are dumb.” Angela, who is surely brain-dead from smoke inhalation doesn’t even fight back. And lights up another cig. Her only friends now are a feral cat and a carton of Pall Mall Blues.
Darkness sets in and Angela is now burning tennis shoes. So add burning rubber to the things this woman has inhaled in the last 24 hours. An armadillo wonders by. Perhaps sent by Smokey the Bear himself to check out the inferno of sadness and drug resistant bacteria. There are more cigarette butts in Angela’s ashtray than people in her town. She cries and remembers the good old days. When she was passed over for a cheap cut of beef and fought with a toothless laundress.
On Life After Lockup, just like in the movies, her bad boy rolls up on his motorcycle. He sees and smells the lone hefty bag that contained his life still smoldering. Tony’s sorry. He wasn’t sensitive when he decided to bang every crack-whore that checked in to the no-tell motel. But Tony needs to get back because this is his parole address. He suggests they go back inside to their house. Angie stands her ground and reminds him it’s her house. And that she gives no f*cks anymore. For now.
— aden31 (@lizzyborden42) January 11, 2020
Life After Lockup Recap: Marcelino Santiago Takes a Gamble for Brittany Dodd
So far on this new season of Life After Lockup, Brittany Dodd and Marcelino Santiago have been a bit of a bore. But you can’t really blame them. It’s not their fault that their fellow cast members are pyromaniacs and self-made porn stars with anger issues. Brittany is preggo again. So it’s time for Marcelino to step up to the plate. And get a real job instead of relying on the poker tables. This makes him a little defensive at first. Nonetheless the Love After Lockup husband suits up and pounds the pavement.
His lone stop is at a recruiter. Who has no problem stomping his dreams of a cushy 9 to 5 job with a corner office. Marcelino feels he should rake in a cool 70k a year. After all he was in a music video in 2001 and knows when to hold em’ and when to fold em’. Well most of the time anyway. The recruiter reminds him that no one is going to fork over that kind of cash no matter how chiseled your cheekbones were. Marcelino walks out and heads to the his job at the Golden Nugget. Poker face intact.
— Shanique (@NicoleShanique) January 11, 2020
Lamar Jackson Returns to Utah for Andrea Edwards – Still Doesn’t Like It
Lamar Jackson is finally off parole. He celebrates by doing some rapping with his bro in a studio. Dude, don’t quit your day job. If you have one that is. His brother got shot on the streets of LA. Lamar says this just makes Andrea’s case about his hometown stronger. He decides it’s time to call her up. He wants to come back to Utah to see her and the kids. Andrea plays it cool but she’s excited for her ex con hubby to come back.
On Life After Lockup Andrea Edwards tries to find where her husband will sleep. She’s just got too much pride to let him back in the marital bed. After all a lady has to have standards. Like when she conceived her child in a closet after shelling out hand money to a guard. Andrea’s son calls her out. He says she’s acting like a teenager. And he knows she really wants him back after all. Andrea throws a comforter on the couch and blushes and giggles.
The family head to the airport with posters welcoming Lamar. He’s a little late and Andrea freaks. He finally arrives and everyone is pretty happy to see him. Andrea spots a group of Mormon youth headed to mission and says this gives her hope. But five minutes into the drive home Lamar is already complaining about the bleak nothingness that is Utah. Andrea points out that his brother got shot. But Lamar looks like he’d take a bullet to the a*s rather than live in no man’s land.
Megan’s daddy said Michael got “2.5 strikes” and I’m wonder WTF else this dude gotta do to be striked the FUCK OUT???
— Epi dats it! 🇭🇹 (@kompafan) January 11, 2020
Megan, Michael and Sarah: What’s Done In The Dark Will Come To Light
In the upside down version of Three’s Company on Life After Lockup, Michael Simmons and Megan have a line dancing date. Michael feel super out-of-place in his red kicks. And doesn’t understand why this type of dancing doesn’t involve trying to grab some booty. It’s a good thing they had a little fun cause sh*ts about to get real with Megan’s dad Donnie. He wants a sit down to discuss Michael’s intentions towards his daughter.
Donnie wastes no time firing off questions like a seasoned detective. He wants facts. Timelines and papers on the divorce. Number of side kids. And he’s got friends in all the right places. Wardens, cops and insiders. Bottom line: don’t run game on my daughter. He flat-out tells Megan she’s an idiot. And needs to find her a man without kids and lies. And warns that what’s “done in the dark will come to light”. Damn Donnie. Megan defends Michael of course. He really loves his kids she says.
As we wrap up this recap of Life After Lockup, someone else has done a little detective work. Michael’s wife Sarah Simmons still pays for his phone so he can call the kids. Which he doesn’t. And still gets his banking information. Sarah discovered a multi state ring of sugar mama’s feeding her baby daddy’s account to the tune of $1200. Including Megan. And another Megan. And a slew of Marias. Sarah’s about to cut it all off. And in her words: manipulate the manipulator. Till next time!
You can catch another Life After Lockup Recap by coming back to Soap Dirt.