90 Day Fiance Recap Season 6 Episode 1 – Colt’s Cat Says Yes to the Dress – Jonathan’s Panty Problem

90 Day Fiance is back and we’ve got the Season 6 Episode 1 recap for ‘The Clock is Tickin’. Colt Johnson coddles his cats while Jonathan Rivera is caught up in a wrong thong crisis. Plus, Jay Smith might be this season’s biggest player but Eric Rosenbrook has no game whatsoever. This fresh cast for the new season puts the fun in dysfunction. Buckle up fans because it looks to be a wild ride already. Let’s meet the new couples in this 90 Day Fiance S6 E1 recap.

90 Day Fiance – Cat-Crazy Colt Johnson and Larissa Christina

In the first episode of season 6 of the TLC show 90 Day Fiance, we meet Sin City’s Colt Johnson and mom Debbie. A self-proclaimed (and proud of it) mama’s boy, his hobbies include breaking and fixing things and feline fashion. Mother and son enjoy 30 years of breakfasting together as Colt’s mom says she spoils her man-child by doing everything for him.

Cat-caressing introvert Colt Johnson somehow managed to meet and woo Larissa Christina, a Brazilian bombshell with a penchant for pouting. They met online then later hooked up in Cancun,  He was head over heels instantly. He proposed after five days. They Skype and she tells him to be careful with his bangs. Wonder if she knows his cat (named Cookie Dough) has a bigger wardrobe than her?

Colt Packing An Anaconda?

90 Day Fiance Colt has a cousin in Vegas. TLC loves to churn up random family members for cameos. So, Colt stops by to solicit opinions on his Brazilian bride. Meanwhile, Larissa stews over her overdue visa and Colt refusing to buy her a plane ticket. Colt’s cousin and head-lei-wearing wife wonder (as do viewers) what Larissa sees in geeky Colt.

They speculate that Colt might be hiding an impressive trouser snake under all the cat hair and nerd glasses. He does have a cool name fit for an adult film star – Colt Johnson.

Larissa’s visa finally arrives and Colt buys a ticket for two weeks out. She pulls a pouty tantrum whining, “buuhht Baybeee – you supposed to waaaant me in America”. Colt says Americans don’t live in gold houses and drive rocket cars. Guess he never went to any of Liberace’s Las Vegas shindigs.

What’s New Pussycat?

Next, on 90 Day Fiance, Larissa gives up when Colt stands firm on ticketing. At least he’s not letting her run totally over him. But then again, she’s a continent away. The fiancee instructs him to work out every day and shave that beard. Colt likes his beard and gets some hurt feelings after this exchange.

Cat-fancying mama’s boy tears up a little. He comfort-eats a football-sized croissant and heads home to get the cats into their pajamas. Meowch…

90 Day Fiance – Jonathan Rivera and Fernanda Flores

Next up, 90 Day Fiance takes us to Lumberton, North Carolina to meet 31-year-old Jonathan Rivera. He’s a gym loving, protein shake swilling workaholic who’s proud of his bachelor days. He sells real estate but spent his college glory days as a baseball player, dancing, partying, and picking up randos on the weekend.

On vacation in Mexico, Jonathan Rivera is mesmerized by the stunning 19-year-old Fernanda Flores. She’s all fire, eyebrows, and (according to Jonathan) a booty that won’t quit. He says he likes all of her body – but decided to upgrade her boobs anyway. He hasn’t taken the new mammary additions for a test drive yet but hopes they don’t “go like antennas”.

Some friends told him she must be using him for money and a ticket to America. He acknowledges that might be possible. Nonetheless, the wheels are in motion for these two as her K-1 visa is approved. Fernanda, her booty, and those brand new chesticles are coming to the US of A.

Finding Drawers in Drawers

Jonathan meets up with his wingman who happens to be a woman named Dani. She notices he’s wearing a wedding type band. He explains the very jealous Fernanda asked him to wear it. Dani doubts that her fellow club-loving singleton is ready to tie the knot. She reminds him, in her North Carolina drawl, between gulps of chardonnay that Fernanda’s only “nahn-teen”.

Jonathan treks to Mexico to pick up Fernanda. They discuss her new chestal appendages and he’s thrilled she didn’t take them and run. His teen fiancee is less than impressed when she finds out they have no bed and no electricity. Fernanda asks if he is poor and wonders why ‘Merica doesn’t look like on TV.

She opens a drawer and finds a pair of tacky red undies. Jonathan tries a Jedi mind trick to convince her they’re her panties. Umm dude, really? That’s the best you got? This dim bulb moved a dresser across town with his ex-girlfriend’s pantaloons inside. Not the best start – Fernanda might be thinking about taking her new implants and getting the hell out of NC.

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90 Day Fiance – Jay Smith and Ashley Martson

Another 90 Day Fiance pair new for season 6 is Ashley Martson and Jay Smith. She is a 31-year-old single mom of two and a bartender in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. In her spare time, she takes karate and tells us she’s been repeatedly cheated on and has two broken engagements. Her dating past with uptight white men hasn’t worked out so well, she says.

In a tale familiar to fans of 90 Day Fiance, Ashley heads to Jamaica with friends and family. There she meets Jay Smith who is quite the opposite from her usual relationship. Jay is only 20 and we see him “dancing” outrageously, writhing and thrusting shirtless. As Ashley tells us how mature he is, we see him jump upside down on Ashley while she’s sitting in a chair and almost breaks his neck falling off.

Red Flags a Flying

Ashley returns home and Jay social media stalks her into true love, apparently. They strike up a relationship and Ashley returns to Jamaica where Jay proposes after eight days. Ashley returns to the US, elated about her Jamaican Boy toy. Her obligatory weary best friend, Natalie, tries to burst her bubble by pointing out that vacation flings with young ‘uns rarely work out. (Just ask 90 Day alumni Molly Hopkins).

In Natalie’s words: “Ashley is so eager to be in love, she let’s red flags just go”. To which Ashley replies that if Jesus Christ came down and told her he was cheating she wouldn’t do anything. Somehow I think Jesus has better things to do than keep tabs on Jay’s booty calls and report back to a bartender in Mechanicsburg. 

Jay horrified viewers by informing us he lost his v-card at eight. Eww. Then he admitted to sleeping with his father’s woman and getting paid for the pleasure. This strikes Jay the playa as quite funny. Jay’s pregnant sister Poochie doubts Jay is ready for marriage because he’s “had a lot of women”. Is there anything more urgent than a red flag? Perhaps one that’s red, waving, and in flames?

90 Day Fiance – Kalani Faagata and Asuelo Pulaa

Kalani Faagata is a California cutie with an adorable baby son named Oliver. Let’s hope Oliver and cutie pie Lucy Bear from S2 of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days swapped digits so she can coach him on looking adorbs on TLC. Hoping they get a spinoff. 90 Day Fiance: Adorable Offspring Edition. Kalani and her family are Mormons.

If you don’t know your Latter Day liturgy, the church frowns on premarital nookie. Seems Kalani was abstaining while dating gingers and older Jewish men (her stated preference). But once she met Asuelo Pulaa on vacay, he semi-stalked her (her words). That led to a second visit to meet up with sexy Samoan Asuelo, and then all bets were off (as were her clothes).

Asuela One of the Village People

Kalani explains Asuelo’s simpler island life to her dad. The guy’s from a fishing village. Her dad’s rocking a backward ball cap and a beard braid. Kind of makes us miss Tarik Myers and his mesh shirts. Just saying. Dad is skeptical of the shirtless coconut cracker. Good luck Asuelo, you’re gonna need it.

Turns out Kalani and Asuelo had split for a bit, and then he bedded someone. Much like the famous Friends episode with Ross and Rachel – they were on a BREAK! So he really wasn’t technically unfaithful. But Kalani fibbed and told her sister Leni he cheated. She was looking for attention then and is paying for it now.

Up next is a very Kardashian-esque lunch/drinks/confessional as Kalani comes clean about her exaggerations and lies. There is plenty of designer lettuce pushed around on plates, good hair, and long vapid pauses between lilting, painfully slow speech. I half-expected Kris Jenner to pop up at any time.

90 Day Fiance – Eric Rosenbrook and Leida Margaretha

We first meet 40-year-old Eric Rosenbrook on 90 Day Fiance running in a sweaty t-shirt through the streets of Baraboo, Wisconsin before scarfing down some hollandaise-smothered eggs Benedict. Turns out he’s a divorced former Marine with two decades of marriage, a fresh divorce, and three daughters aged 11-21. He’s also paying a pile of child support – much more on that later!

His post-divorce dating prospects were so dim, he pondered going to fight ISIS instead. Instead, he ran an ad on a website. One of his first responses came from 29-year-old Leida Margaretha, a beauty from Jakarta, Indonesia. Her resume is ridiculous. She’s wealthy, a doctor, Miss Indonesia runner-up, pro-gamer, vlogger, etc. Maybe she walked on the moon. Anything is possible with this chick.

Who’s Catfishing Who?

At first, Eric calls BS an is certain she’s a catfish. Google verifies that she’s the real deal and he hopped on a plane. Two days later, Eric put a ring on it. Not only is she brilliant, but her family has big money. No doubt her family is also on Google trying to see if Eric was catfishing her. Looks like 90 Day Fiance flipped the script on this one. Game on!

This Baraboo marine landed a foreign fiance without paying for any water buffalo or buying 5000 baht worth of baubles. Side note – Leida’s got a cute five-year-old son coming to Dairyland with her. Eric’s two-bedroom apartment’s about to get crowded so he’s booting out his 19-year-old daughter. She pays half the bills, so the kid ain’t having it and says she won’t go.

90 Day Fiance – Let’s Consult the Ex-Wife…

Most 90 Day hopefuls drag in random friends and family that will agree to sign the TLC consent form. For Eric, that lucky person is his ex-wife Tanya. He shares with her and two of their three kids about the incoming Indonesian invasion. The ex-wife seems pretty cool. She seems well adjusted and reasonable – on oddity for a TLC show. When his oldest daughter notes in shock that her dad now likes onion rings, Tanya jokes about his tastes changing in more ways than one.

Eric reveals that Leida is wealthy with chefs, maids, and drivers, so Tanya asks what we’re all thinking – “Why don’t you go over there then?”

Eric mumbles something about America still being better. Then he drops the bomb that Leida thinks paying child support is sketchy and it’s not a thing in Indonesia. Tanya’s not going to be having much of that. We smell trouble…

All in all, this looks like a fun new cast 90 Day Fiance. TLC’s trying to sell it as a steamy season, but they killed that with the feline fashion show, crusty panties, and itty bitty Barbaroo bungalow. Sexy it’s not, but it looks hella fun. Be sure to watch TLC on Sunday nights. We hope you enjoyed this 90 Day Fiance recap for Season 6 Episode 1.

Check back to Soap Dirt often for the latest 90 Day Fiance spoilers and news.

**This recap comes courtesy of guest blogger Natalie Smiley and in no way reflects the opinions of Soap Dirt or its staffers and affiliates (although we think it’s hilarious).