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Married at First Sight 

‘Married At First Sight’: Myrla Needs A Designer Barf Bag – Recap

Natalie Smiley 2345 Views , ,

On Married At First Sight, Gil Cuero takes Myrla Feria on a seaplane for a honeymoon surprise but the bougie bride needs a barf bag before they land. Rachel Gordillo and Jose San Miguel Jr. pack on the PDA but don’t see eye to eye behind closed doors. Brett Ignasiak isn’t shy about wanting babies. And Bao Huong Hoang and Johnny Lam have more than a body pillow keeping them apart at night. Pop some prosecco and let’s take a big swig of Season 13 Episode 5 The Keys To My Heart.

Myrla Hates Everything On Married At First Sight

Gil Cuero just might be the most patient man ever. Matched with high maintenance and self-described bougie bride Myrla Feria on MAFS, he’s trying his best to be nice. But it’s hard when your wife hates everything except herself. Myrla hasn’t stopped complaining about the honeymoon resort and still thinks it’s like a retirement home. This from the woman who has worn granny flannel pajamas for three nights in a row.

Gil suggests some time at the pool with the other Married At First Sight couples but Myrla stays behind to wash her face for four hours. He asks the others if they’ve kissed their spouses and it’s pretty much yes all around. Rachel and Jose even take it a step further with some poolside PDA. Gil creates a makeshift Myrla out of a volleyball complete with over the top eyelashes. This Myrla is actually fun and has far more personality than the one inside irrigating her pores.

Gil pulls out all the stops with a surprise of macarons and champagne. Myrla blinks and chews a cookie and questions why he was still single at 35. Later he takes her on a seaplane as a surprise and she feels sick. The pilot directs her to the seat back where there are barf bags. Myrla tells Gil not to worry. Because she has her own personal stash of Gucci barf bags and really only vomits liquid gold with a diamond chunk or two.

Rachel And Jose Have Lots Of PDA

This Married At First Sight season’s cute token lovestruck couple are Rachel Gordillo and Jose San Miguel Jr. Of course this makes them certain to start unraveling faster than a cheap sweater as they crash into decision day. It’s all good when the cameras are rolling and the hard seltzer is flowing. But there are some serious issues popping up like weeds under their “we are obsessed” charade they show the others.

Rachel is still kind of creeped out that he wanted to feed her cake and brush her teeth. She prides herself on being an independent woman. Especially when it comes to dental hygiene. So she suggests he back off of those things while Jose rambles on about coffee. Jose is visibly hurt when Rachel tells him he did anything wrong. He agrees to tone it down but it definitely ruins the mood.

Later on Married At First Sight, Jose hooks up with Johnny Lam to help him plan a special date with Bao Huong Hoang. These two have a thriving bromance. It’s the energy we all need in this already doomed season. Jose and Rachel do some deep sea fishing and it’s a good day. Until Rachel admits later that she is a reckless spender. And charged an entire trip to Europe on a credit card. Jose begins to sweat just thinking about double digit interest rates.

Ryan Isn’t Shy About Wanting Babies on Married At First Sight

Co-pilots Ryan Ignasiak and Brett are driving the awkward train until it goes off the rails which we know will happen. Ryan keeps trying to convince himself that things are going along just great. While simultaneously trying to send Morse code signals to room service with the hotel phone. Brett admits she hasn’t been on a date in 2 years. And it was at a bar. Brett suggests he would have done better. Like his favorite back booth at Outback where they all know his name.

On Married At First Sight, Brett needs to be slathered in sunscreen before they hit the pool. She’s happy to have Ryan there to do it. He looks like he’d rather chew glass and suggests maybe it would take more than one person. Dang dude. Later during couples massages he suggests they speed things up in the bedroom. Because he’s a “secks-cha-wal” person. This visibly creeps out the masseuse and the rest of the world.

Over dinner Brett enthusiastically chews swordfish and tries out several facial expressions. Ryan is content with one facial expression and announces over a ribeye that he needs 2.75 babies ASAP. Preferably boy-boy-girl. And if she could make it twins that would be even better. Brett admits she wants kids but it has to be in a family unit. And dabs at her vegetable medley while throwing out that she may or may not have frozen her eggs. This can’t miss.

Bao Is Keeping Johnny Up All Night

Johnny Lam and Bao Huong Hoang have made it through the first night of the Married At First Sight honeymoon. Bao is rested but Johnny’s sleep was interrupted by animal noises in the room. It turns out it was just his MAFS bride snoring. He teases her about it and Bao admits she’s embarrassed but takes the teasing seemingly in stride. Bao admits to collecting bikinis most of which she hasn’t even worn.

Johnny is really into his wife’s bikini bod, particularly her butt. It seems he can tolerate the snoring for a glimpse of her backside here and there. Bao too is into Johnny’s bathing suit physique. Telling him that her celebrity hall pass is none other than Conan O’Brien. She loves that he owns his lankiness and nerdiness. Johnny shares in the enthusiasm and says he’s fine with a Conan dalliance as long as he can watch.

Later on Married At First Sight, Johnny surprises Bao with a lovely matching linen top he picked with the help of Jose. The two share a romantic beach picnic with prosecco. Johnny tells Bao that he’s really catching the feels but isn’t sure if she is. She says the feelings are mutual. But when it’s time for bed she tells him he hurt her feelings about her snoring and she wants a separate bedroom to curb her humiliation.

Michaela And Zach Get Dealt a Bad Hand on Married At First Sight

Missing from all the dysfunction are Zach Freeman and Michaela Clark. It seems Zach is ill with a fever and chills so COVID tests are ordered. Zach is unfortunately positive but Michaela’s not. Zach attempts to be a kind and intelligent human being by suggesting to Michaela that he stay away from her as to not infect her. Just when you thought Myrla was the biggest B on the show Michaela chimes in “hold my beer”.

Michaela is downright pissed that she can’t wear the many outfits and beachy ensembles she brought. She feels cheated that she is supposed to be poolside right now in a fabulous cover-up with an umbrella drink and her husband. But no, he’s sick with an unpredictable virus so she has to suffer. The nerve. Michaela heads back to Houston to sulk while Zach takes his fever to bed to quarantine in the keys. Till next time!

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