The 90 Day Fiance recap of the Tell All Part 1 had Larissa Christina armored up in a tight dress to do battle with snarky near-teen Fernanda Flores. Ashley Martson played martyr to Oscar-worthy perfection. Jay Smith tries Tinder damage control but it’s too late. And Asuelu Pulaa was barking like a dog.
Steven Frend shoved his foot even deeper into his mouth while Olga Koshimbetova did her best Max Headroom impression. Leida Margaretha cried crocodile tears after seeing her flashbacks of her awfulness. Let’s join the fun that was Season 6 Episode 11 ‘The Couples Tell All’ on TLC’s 90 Day Fiance.
Backstage Drama At Tell All on 90 Day Fiance
On 90 Day Fiance, we made it to the Tell All. The production bay looks like an air traffic control room. Ominous music plays as host Shaun Robinson clicks down the hall in her hot pink dress. Outside more black SUV’s roll up – it’s like an episode of The Sopranos.
Ashley Martson and Jay Smith arrive first. Inquiring minds want to know if that faux Burberry pashmina was bought in Times Square from a stand near a falafel truck. Ashley is still stewing over Jay’s post wedding Tinder swipes. She is wearing a flesh-colored Bebe bandage dress circa 1999.
Tell All Arrival Walk of Shame Continues
90 Day Fiance Eric Rosenbrook and wife Leida Margaretha arrive next. She is business as usual – bitching and complaining to Eric. Ashley is all smiles and says hello to Leida. But then she snarks at the Indonesian princess about how she treats Eric’s kids. Meanwhile, Eric looks like he hasn’t slept in years.
Steven Frend pops out of his SUV smiling and smirking. He knows he can soon see Olga Koshimbetova’s televised head and adorable baby. Little does he know, the rest of the cast is ready to chastise him, particularly crybaby Asuelu Pulaa. Steven won’t be smiling much longer.
Then Kalani Faagata and Asuelu arrive. He wears a black parka over traditional Samoan garb including red beads. This must be his standard airport outfit. Fernanda Flores and Jonathan Rivera join in. She’s ready to reignite her social media war with Larissa Christina in person. Fer says Larissa should go baaaaccck to Braaaazeeeel.
Where It All Began on 90 Day Fiance
On 90 Day Fiance, Shaun Robinson reveals that Colt and Larissa are not there, but the show must go on. Robinson acts surprised to see Olga on a TV screen as if she were coming to us live from a Teletubbie’s stomach. We are treated to a montage of happier times when the couples all began their 90 days.
This was before child support, Tinder, mother-wives, and ungrateful baby mamas put a damper on things. Host Shaun finds yet another way to pronounce Samoa. She asks Asuelu Pulaa about meeting Kalani in Sum-oooh-way. Asuelu cries recalling the whirlwind romance and how hard it was to say goodbye to Kalanai when she returned to the states.
Ashley Martson Has Buyers Remorse
Jonathan Rivera can relate. He had to wait a year and a half so Fernanda Flores could finish high school. Asuelu recounts the issues he’s had with Kalani’s family basically treating him like crap. Ashley Martson simmered like a crock pot during the montage on 90 Day Fiance wishes she could go back to happier times.
She misses the days before she was saddled with a 20 year old surrogate son with a penchant for late night trips to Mickey D’s and thicc chicks on Tinder. Jay Smith admits he messed up. Ashley sits shaking her head. The trust is gone. Jay says he wishes he had longer than 90 days before they had to get married. She points out he should be glad since it only took 93 to screw up. Burn.
Regrets and Revelations on 90 Day Fiance
Both Leida and Steven must revisit their own assy behavior in clips on the 90 Day Fiance Tell All. Leida tells her make-up artist she wishes she could go back in time and get a guy with no kids. She doesn’t like dealing with step kids and child support. It’s just not proper. She feels about 50-50 when it comes to marrying Eric. But she knows he’s her green card ticket, so she sealed the deal.
We again see Steven Frend harass Olga mere hours after having a baby ripped out of her abdomen. Her crime? Feeding and caring for said baby. Steven felt neglected and did a little Jan Brady rant: baby, baby, baby. Asuelu snickers while Steven fusses. Then the Samoan chastises Steven to do his duty and no thanks are necessary. Steven claps back that it’s called respect. Asuelu is a ticking time bomb!
Ohh…Steven’s A-hole tendencies are coming out here at the tell all ?…thought he’d turned over a new leaf? #90DayFiance
— KG (@Kimmnng) January 7, 2019
What’s Monogamy? Jay Literally Doesn’t Know the Word
Jay seems quite comfortable with his arm slung around Ashley on the couch on 90 Day Fiance. Until Shaun questions whether he can be in a “monogamous” relationship. Wondering what making paper swans have to do with anything he mumbles “I don’t know.” Ashley calls him an idiot but Jonathan suggests he just didn’t understand. Jay really owes Jonathan a beer after that save. That is if Jon can escape his Latina cling on for a solid 45 minutes.
Ashley reminds us through tear smudged Maybelline mascara that the signs were there and she ignored them. Hmm Like what? The fact that Jay once bagged his dad’s girlfriend? That he is the spawn of someone who’s nickname is a southern part of the female anatomy? That he needs sex 3 times a day? She wonders how Jay will handle a seven-year itch. With Jay’s history I’m sure he’s had his share of itches that didn’t take 7 years to flare up. Maybe 24-48 hours.
On 90 Day Fiance Steven goes all Dr. Phil and tells Jay to never give up and hang in there. Ashley storms off after telling everyone that she doesn’t want to be responsible for Jay for the next 10 years. Shaun is interrupted yet again by an ominous voice saying Colt and Larissa are on the way. Fernanda flashes her red bottomed shoes and stews over this news. It’s another tell all staple. The aspiring model of the group MUST have red bottomed shoes. Somewhere Jesse Meester ducks.
— Jackie Ruiz (@JaaxRuiz) January 7, 2019
Scorned “I’m The Real Baby Daddy” Kolini Takes the Stage on 90 Day Fiance
The gang takes 5 on 90 Day Fiance and stand in the hall mocking Colt and Larissa. It seems no one really wants them to show up. Especially Fernanda. Jon says they make him cringe. Lofty words for someone who’s had a leaked d*ck pic. With more threats of the arrival of Colt and Larissa the cast goes back to the couch. It’s time to bring in a guest: Kalani’s sister and pit bull Kolini.
She brings sweet baby Oliver who is Kalani and Asuleu’s son to the couch. Everyone coos and smiles at the baby . Kolini casts her long miserable face at everyone as we watch a montage of her tantrums. Shaun wants to know why she has such a hard time realizing that she IS NOT the father. Kolini whines on about the fact that Asuelu sent no money for the baby. Not even a bag of diapers. It’s safe to assume that since he lived in a house with no walls Pampers probably weren’t at the ready.
What is at the ready on 90 Day Fiance is Kalani’s boob. She feeds baby Oliver without blinking and doesn’t make him thank her afterward. Asuelu admits that he didn’t think they needed his help. And the shipping on coconuts ain’t cheap. She gets emotional having to choose between her husband and drama queen sister. Kolini girl you need to let it go already!
— Tentaclesex (@x22tt22) January 7, 2019
Larissa and Colt Arrive in The Big Apple
It’s lunch time and Fernanda shoves pizza down her face while bitching about Larissa. Colt and Larissa have made it to New York but they lost their luggage. Including Larissa’s makeup and hooker jumpsuits. As Colt and Larissa make their way through the Holland Tunnel, the cast reconvenes. Fernanda explains that her and Larissa went back and forth after Larissa mocked her own arrest. Fernanda commented that she doesn’t need to get arrested for attention. She just leaks a d*ck pic.
On 90 Day Fiance it’s time to watch clips of what Jonathan describes as the Fernanda storm. We see the cringe worthy tantrum when Jon left her alone for an extra 45 minutes after work. She admits the thought of him throwing back a lager made her nuts. What if he’s with another woman? She called him 5 times in 10 minutes. Ashley full on gets it. Acting paranoid and psycho is fully justified in a relationship.
We also revisit the famous coffee-house scene where Fernanda begs Jon to make good with his mom Ceci. She who travels with a mid priced Cabernet in her purse at all times wasn’t on board with her son’s teen bride. So it was surprising that Fer ended up encouraging him to call her patch things up. All this love talk in Fernanda’s accent made Asuelu blubber. He misses his parents in Samoa. Jon is moved and he and Asuelu hug it out on 90 Day Fiance.
Fernando got boobs, red bottoms, a house, a car, and a marriage. Larissa got a goodwill wedding dress, a car with no AC and a cat infested apartment with Colt-ee's mom. #90Dayfiance
— Yulanda W. (@NaturalDiva337) January 7, 2019
Leida’s Crocodile Tears – Larissa Prepares For Battle on 90 Day Fiance
On 90 Day Fiance Larissa gets rushed into makeup and hair in all her manic glory. She is ready to go to war with the Mexican teeny bopper who dared to go against the queen. Meanwhile a montage of Leida plays. All that’s missing as we see clip after clip of her vile words are flying monkeys and the theme song of the wicked witch on the “Wizard of Oz”. She basically hates the apartment or any mention of his kids. The big question she has is does he have money or not?
The other cast members are mortified. Kalani calls it appalling. Leida sees that she is largely considered slime now and cries crocodile tears. Dolt Eric reassured her that he knows she’s sorry. She calls herself a selfish bitch. Host Shaun asks the 64,000 dollar question (which is probably more than Eric’s life savings). Does she love Eric? After a few seconds of thinking she says yes. After all there’s that medical career to consider. Which after seeing what her bedside manner would be like is probably in the toilet at this point.
Larissa is still screaming in the bowels of TLC about Fernanda being ugly and her Kardashian style. The only thing even remotely Kardashian about Larissa is that she has poor taste in men. The production staff have gone to get her some dresses. She complains they are not her style. Not surprising since there probably isn’t a Fredericks of Hollywood with inventory from 1982 in midtown Manhattan.
— 90dayfiance_etc (@90dayfianceEtc) January 7, 2019
Colt Gets in a Zinger on 90 Day Fiance
Larissa demands Colt be by her side as they prepare to enter the lion’s den. She needs to look just right to feel confident in battle. Surprising then that she wants Colt, who’s dressed like the Pat character from “SNL” anywhere near her. Finally they make their entrance onto the stage at the 90 Day Fiance tell all. Fernanda strikes first saying things were more comfortable (ahem, boring) before they arrived.
Larissa goes full on psycho dropping f-bombs and calling the petulant teen bride a bony brat. Fernanda claims Larissa is jealous. Coltee chimes in wanting to know what Jon’s beef is with them. Jon calls them pathetic leading to the tell all slam of the night by Colt. He tells Jon that pathetic is paying for a 16 yr old bride. Go get em’ Coltee. All this hysteria is getting to Asuelu who is at once crying and flailing around the set.
Jay gets up to try and calm everyone down. Viewers who watched 2 hours of tears, hand wringing and hugs were thrilled that a “Jerry Springer” episode broke out in the last minutes. Fittingly, the last words spoken on the cliff hanger tell all which continues next week was Larissa telling Fernanda to “buy a butt.” It doesn’t get any better for fans of 90 Day Fiance! Till next week!
Check back often to SoapDirt for all your 90 day Fiance recaps, updates, spoilers and news.