On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Angela Deem gets her witness but gets her coochie in a pinch. Debbie Johnson plans to third wheel it to Brazil with son Colt Johnson and his current squeeze Jess Caroline.
Andrei Castravet and wife Elizabeth Potthast make it to Moldova. Karine Martins is less than impressed with Paul Staehle’s America. And Asuelu Pulaa can’t take the heat so he takes the bus. Let’s jump right in to season 5 episode 4 “She’s A Wolf”. You can watch HEA Sunday nights at 8 PM on TLC.
90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After Recap – Angela & Michael Get The Ball Rolling For Nigerian Wedding
This week’s episode starts with Michael Ilesanmi talking about what first attracted him to bride to be Angela Deem. And it’s her zeal, her smile and her boobs but not necessarily in that order. Michael chats with his mother about Angie coming to Lagos, Nigeria for their wedding. She looks pained but is ok since she already scored a microwave out of the deal. Michael says he likes things real instead of fake as he drives through town with his counterfeit Louis Vuitton steering wheel cover.
Later on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Michael talks to his Aunt. Who says Angie is “teachable” in the ways of Nigerian culture. But there is that pesky problem of whether she can tote a baby to term. And reminds him that in Nigeria he could grab a sister wife with much newer insides to get the job done if Angie gives the greenlight. Michael just laughs. Because he knows the chances of this happening are as remote as Angela’s lone egg coming out of expiration.
— Blocked by Big Ed The Mucinex Snot (@oucrimsongirl) July 6, 2020
Angela’s A Real Gas At The Gyno
Meanwhile back in Georgia Angela calls up her new BFF Jojo to help her shop for a tux for Michael. Angie doesn’t want him in the traditional Nigerian garb. But something along the lines of James Brown hand me downs. After selecting a flashy white and red ensemble that would do the “Godfather of Soul” proud, she drops a wide load sized hint about needing a witness. And Jojo agrees, even if it’s only so she can meet Darcey Silva in person at the 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After tell all.
Angie tries on her weddin’ dress for a wide eyed audience of grandkids who cheer and clap like the studio audience of The Price Is Right. The kids gripe that they can’t be at meemaw’s wedding as flower girls. Angie tears up but this lady’s not letting anything stop her from getting hitched. Not even her sick mom. Angela gets her mom’s blessing one last time and then goes on to the final stop on her weddin’ checklist: a visit to the gyno.
It seems the 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After star thought she closed her account downstairs a few years ago. But her monthly bill recently returned. And it wasn’t good news. The doc is worried about cancer. And Angie’s got a family history of it. Angela screams when the doc tries to do the biopsy. She has to give our girl some laughing gas to get the needle in. Angie finally gets it done while saying her coochie feels pinched and laughing. Next stop: Lagos, Nigeria.
No Debbie Left Behind on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After
Colt Johnson is back home with the loves of his life: mother-wife Debbie Johnson and his six cats. The lovely couple sit and watch their feline brood play. Colt points out that a few of the cats were Larissa’s. But he doesn’t hold that against them. Especially since he and Deb performed a deprogramming on the kitties using a top secret method used to dismantle dangerous cults. Colt breaks up the domestic bliss to drop a bomb.
He tells Deb about Jess Caroline on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After. He admits she was the reason he went to Chicago. And that she is also Brazilian with limited time left in the country. All color drains from Deb’s face. And she grips her “World’s Best Mother-Wife” mug tighter as she’s gonna need all the boozy brew she can get to deal with this news. She questions Jess’s intentions and Colt’s stupidity. Colt says he’ll be visiting her in Brazil soon to meet her family.
Deb gets a glimmer in her eye. Certainly she should join him on the trip. So she can make sure that Coltee isn’t just falling into another trap with a Brazilian b*tch who just wants to use him for a green card. Colt calls Jess to proudly announce that he shared their relationship status with his mom. And the best news of all that she will be joining them on their trip to Brazil! Buckle up Jess. That third wheel is gonna run you right off Coltee road and leave skid marks on your a*s.
Coltee: I'm dating someone…
— 90 Day Beyoncé (@TwittahFingerz) July 6, 2020
Larissa Makes a Shady Call For Payback
Meanwhile on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Larissa Dos Santos Lima skulks around Las Vegas complaining that goodee mans are hard to findee. She stares at a pic of Colt and Jess she found online and zooms in on his cankles. Unsatisfied, she hatches a plan to call Jess and warn her as a fellow Brazilian that Colt is “mah-nip-uh-la-teevey”. And that mother Deb is a wolf. Which really isn’t the right word but ok. Jess takes the advice with a grain of salt and says she’ll take her chances.
We are certainly living in strange and uncertain times these days. But not because of the pandemic. But moreover the fact that Colt Johnson is sort of juggling four women. Debbie, Larissa, Jess and his best friend with a one time benefit Vanessa. Who comes over for Sunday dinner with Debbie and Colt. Deb goes all out with a side of beef and a family size microwaveable tray of Stouffer’s homestyle scalloped potatoes.
Colt says Vanessa has agreed to cat sit so he and Deb can make the trip to Brazil. So the dinner is a thank you. On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, the crew must have got sleepy after eating a little too much of the cheesy side dish. As editing lets it slip that Vanessa doesn’t even know about the trip. And later Larissa heads to the immigration offices to find out about her immigration status. So Deb may have something to celebrate after all. Stay tuned.
— Gossip Girl 🍵🐸 (@RealiteaTV1) July 6, 2020
Asuelu Says All The Wrong Things on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After
Asuelu Pulaa isn’t happy that a measles outbreak put the brakes on a trip to his homeland of Samoa. And to make matters worse wife Kalani Faagata and her parents just keep piling it on that he’s basically an idiot. So he feels like he’s not the man of the house. He is annoyed that “no one sticks to my side”. So, instead of a trip back home, Kalani arranges a trip to California to celebrate their son Oliver’s second birthday.
The road trip is off to a rough start on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After. Both babies wail in the back seat with Kalani’s mom at the wheel and Asuelu shotgun. Kalani is wedged between kids in the back saying she’s uncomfortable and complaining. Asuelu doesn’t get her constant griping. After all her job is easy. Compared to slinging mango smoothies all day at Dixie Nutrition. Kalani demands he get in the back with the children.
He says he has magic powers and doesn’t see the big deal of taking care of two toddlers. Who just need boobs when they wake up. She flips him off and he points out the ease of her life being that machines do all the work unlike in Samoa where a mother would hunt and kill a wild boar with a kid hanging off each tit and then build a fire to cook it over. Kalani scoffs and he calls her a lying b*tch and annoying. Which naturally doesn’t sit well with grandma.
— Lyssa🌻 (@Locd_Lyss) July 6, 2020
Asuelu Hops On The Bus
After mother Kalani tells him off they arrive at the AirBnb Kalani rented. Asuelu heads outside and eats an unripe orange claiming it has the ability to heal and suggests Kalani try it too. She spits out the bitter fruit and asks him why he was saying such stupid things. Asuelu wants to know why her words are expensive. And still thinks that she really doesn’t have anything to complain about as he opened a box of cereal one day last week on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After.
And then just like the Paul Simon song Asuelu figures out the first way to leave your lover, screaming babies and braided beard scary FIL. He grabs his stuff and hops on the bus. He strips off his mic and tells production he’s going with the nice lady bus driver back to Utah. Where he can make tonight’s pick up volleyball game at the rec center. But really it’s just going to be looping the city center with stops at In and Out Burger and a check cashing store. Good luck out there Asuelu.
Just because she lived in “wooden hut” doesn’t mean she should be ok with riding in a dirty car, Paul. #90DayFianceHappilyEverAfter
— ♓︎🌈 (@JillianChrist) July 6, 2020
Karine Martins Drinks The Tap Water on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After
Karine is finally in America for the first time with hubby Paul Staehle and baby son Pierre. Tucked away in a Louisville motel far away from the Staehle home. Where Edna Staehle has changed the locks, took Paul’s keys and is on hold with a security company for an estimate. Her son is back and she’s got to keep her guard up or he’ll find a way to suck the life out of her some more.
Karine needs some water and Paul grabs a glass from the hotel sink. Karine says no way to drinking tap. Because she never has in her life. Paul explains where Karine is from the tap is just black goop. Karine says ok and takes a sip. She admits it’s not bad. Paul is excited to tell her that they have a car. He just has to go get it from his parent’s driveway. If he can figure out a way to get past the newly constructed barbed wire fence Edna just had installed on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After.
Karine isn’t too happy when she sees the car. Paul admits it’s a bit of a clunker and is a little banged up. He opens the trunk and Karine is shocked to see a family of raccoons eating out of a styrofoam container of fries. Paul said it just needs a little cleaning up. He’s kind of annoyed at Karine’s expectations considering she lived in a “wooden hut” with slimy tap water. Karine says if things don’t get better it’s back to Brazil for her and Pierre.
— GP12 (@GeorgeP3154) July 6, 2020
Elizabeth Potthast Learns The Rules Of Moldova
Andrei Castravet and wifey Elizabeth Potthast are already married on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After. But they are now headed to Moldova for their second wedding in his country so his family can be a part of it. After schooling Libby on time management and the proper way to pack a suitcase, they are off. Baby Eleanor is a trooper and they arrive in Moldova where Andrei’s father and brother are there to greet them.
The family Andrei is thrilled to welcome Libby and Eleanor into their home. Especially grandma who hadn’t met the baby yet. Baby E even has a girl cousin to play with. And everybody sits down to a Moldovan feast to catch up. But not in English. So Libby just smiles and eats bread and cheese. Finally Andrei declares his brother and SIL will be godparents which in Moldova also translates to wedding planners.
On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Libby starts looking like she smelled a fart (it’s a Potthast family trait). Especially when they don’t know what a baptist is and demand she get baptized in their religion or there will be no wedding. Andrei muches on sweetbreads and nods before admitting he’s prideful to be home and calling the shots. He also warns that the Potthasts are coming and that they are double faced mud slingers. Don’t miss the fun next Sunday on TLC.
And of course you can keep up with all the couples on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After by clicking on Soap Dirt.