’90 Day Fiance’: David Fails to Reel in Ukrainian Catfish – Why Is This Guy on ‘Before the 90 Days’?

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, David Murphey gets stood up for a record fourth time by his virtual Ukrainian girlfriend, Lana. Plus, Stephanie Matto and gal pal Erika Owens kiss and get into some heavy (kangaroo) petting. Meanwhile, Lisa Hamme’s on SojaBoy’s arm for the premiere of the auto-tune “hit” he wrote about her. Darcey Silva plus Tom Brooks pop up like meerkats then disappear again. And Big Ed Brown has clouds in his coffee till Rose Marie halfway accepts his apology. Let’s dish on season 4 episode 6 Can’t Buy Me Love.

David Murphey Stood Up Again on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days

On the TLC show, David Murphey wakes up early to meet his Ukrainian girlfriend, cough cough catfish, Lana. She claims to be in a blue dress and on the 8 AM train. He shaves for his best “no beard” look. Okay David, you want your classic 1975 time warp rug to be the star. Then, David dons a purple shirt to match her blue. He’s hoping she brings clothes for horseback riding and bowling. Has anyone ever seen a catfish on a horse?

Then, David Murphey’s confused at the station on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. He can’t read the information and it looks like a train arrived at 7:50 but none scheduled for 8. So, David shuffles aimlessly around looking for anyone in blue. Another train rolls in – but still no Lana. David drives to an internet cafe to log on to the chat app and ages 10 years in the process. He somehow takes her NOT being online as a positive sign.

Later, David’s only real friend in Ukraine, Anya, meets him to discuss the fourth time he’s flown across the world to be let down. Still, David Murphey believes Lana’s past excuses like when she was grieving her dead goldfish. He suggests he drive to her hometown. Anya asks if David even has an address. David does from the time he paid for her cruise she didn’t go on. Anya vetoes the idea of driving there as unsafe. Is Anya secretly 90 Day Fiance Lana? Stay tuned.

90 Day Fiance: David - Before the 90 Days

Lisa’s Red Carpet Outing With Soja Boy Falls Flat

Lisa Hamme hasn’t stopped complaining since she arrived in Nigeria on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. She’s angry that Usman Umar’s friend Abba dissed her. And Usman laughed it off. The two are going to the premiere of his video “I Love You” — the famous tune he wrote for Baby Girl Lisa. She goes in and out of a Nigerian accent as she makes demands about how things will go. Usman look like he wants to jump out the window, but assures her it will be fine.

Lisa opts for some ripped jeans and a sleeveless turtleneck for her “celebrity” debut. It was surprising she didn’t pull out her best romper with a train. So Soja Boy’s arm candy was more like a stale circus peanut. 90 Day Fiance Lisa is immediately concerned that there is a handful of young “wimmin” in the sparse crowd. She calls them lovesick puppies and clings to Usman desperately. She sits down and props her feet up on a table during his set after threatening mayhem.

Usman takes the stage and raps about dabbing. Then it’s time to premiere the video he dedicates to Lisa. His beautiful pale chick from the United States. Crickets. The video lasts about 10 seconds as all footage with the model was cut. A picture of Lisa appears at the end. Random women in the audience weigh in with big fat thumbs down. One even says he’s with the “old white woman” for her money. But does his 90 Day Fiance have any?

Stephanie Wants to Take It Slow Down Under on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Stephanie and Aussie Erika are giddy on the way to their hotel. While Stephanie worries about her travel stank and mossy teeth, Erika tells her to stop being so cuuuuuute. In the hotel room, Stephanie pulls out gifts from her rolling pharmacy on wheels for Erika. A stuffed opossum and a grown-up Rainbow Brite purse. Erika’s dressed like a real-life version of Caesar Mack’s candy pannees. Steph begs off to freshen up after they splurge on hundred dollar champagne.

After scrounging for toothpaste, 90 Day Fiance’s Steph puts on a black House of Eleven negligee she scored off Darcey’s Poshmark site. She flashes Erika the goods and asks if it was too much. Then, cameras capture a long drawn out kiss between the gals and then leaves us hanging. In the morning, we find out that things didn’t go beyond the kiss since Stephanie was exhausted and passed out. Erika is cool with that but is ready to move things along.

On 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Erika planned a wildlife outing for Stephanie. She compliments her safari romper telling her she looks like a sexy Steve Irwin. Steph opts for more of a Crocodile Dundee look, and off they go. Things are good at first as the gals pet roos. But, Steph needs a break for hand sanitizer STAT. She also pulls out a week’s worth of meds from a backpack. Erika’s a little freaked out but tries to remain chill for now.

Big Ed Drowns His Sorrow In Java and Reaches Out To Rose

Ed wakes up alone in his Manila hotel on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. He looks like a downsized Meatloaf after a bender (the singer not the comfort food). His Hellman’s soaked hair is uncombed, and he’s shaky. Maybe it’s the room service coffee. Production asks how he’s feeling, and he says not good. He wants Rose back and she’s not answering his calls. He’s willing to forget about the STD test and do like Lisa and risk his life for love without a glove.

A light bulb goes off in Ed’s mayo-drenched head. If he sends her a text in her native tongue, it’ll show he’s trying to be more sensitive and maybe Rose will meet. So, cash app Venmo might have worked better, but it’s a start. Ed lumbers down to a cafe, orders even more coffee, and waits on Rose. She’s almost two hours late. Ed cries again and tells Rose she doesn’t have to do any damn test. Rose agrees to spend another night in Manila with Ed. Because she wants to be a 90 Day Fiance wife with him.

Darcey & Tom Get Cameos On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Darcey and Tom suffered the same fate this week as the model in Soja Boy’s video. They seem to be only given a fraction of screen time. Although that’s more than she got. We see Darcey trying to roll the chardonnay-induced puff out of her face ahead of Tom’s arrival. He sent a business-like text and signed off with “regards, Thomas.” But she still refers to him as her boyfriend of one year (with whom she rarely speaks).

Tom rolls up to the big apple with ample baggage on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. He claims he’s here for work. If a bit part on a reality show and Instagram opportunities are considered “work”. Tom claims he loves Darcey more than she will ever know. He says he tried to make it work but can’t deal with the distance and her obsession with ex Jesse Meester. He texts her that he doesn’t want a war and invites her to Argentina. Huh?

Darcey is still salty that she saw pictures of him with another woman. But it doesn’t stop her from dressing like a Thunderdome pro with the girls on full display. She sends Tom a text of where to meet and he’s impressed with her choice. She strides in, refuses a hug, and says she’s “uncomfortable”. The two glare at each other and we cut to a scene from next week of Ed shaving Rose’s legs. Be sure to catch the new episode Sunday at 8 PM on TLC.

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