The 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days recap for season 2 episode 6 “Trust a Try” was action-packed. Angela Deem tried a cow hoof and Tarik still didn’t get any loving thanks to his c*ck-blocking brother. Here’s what happened.
Jesse Meester escaped fatal injury (according to him) from a Louboutin launched by an angry Darcey Silva. Karine and Paul said ‘I do’ with the help of translators.
Baby Lucy survived and played witness to a precarious English countryside proposal between her mama Rachel Bear and doting ex-criminal Jon Walters.
— Your Woke Aunty (@YasminYonis) September 13, 2018
90 Day Fiance – Angela Deem: ‘Will You Wipe My Butt?’
90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days got fecal and frightening in Nigeria. Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi sit down to dinner. Being a gentleman, Michael ordered a traditional Nigerian dish for Angela. He literally invited her to put a foot in her mouth when they serve her a heaping bowl of bovine (yummy!).
The dish of cow leg was complete with a hoof and what looks like a loose toe perched on top. Angela Deem tried it and being the class act she is, spat it into her napkin like yesterday’s Skoal. She needs a strong drink to wash away the taste. We needed a strong drink to watch what came next.
They discuss their age difference and Angela Deem thinks she’s got 20-25 good years left. She points out that when she is 75, he will be 50. After confirming the math, Angela coyly asked would he be willing to wipe her butt? She said she needed to know. There’s nothing more romantic than chatting about a** incontinence over dinner.
— Becca (@bginns) September 10, 2018
Optimism and Artificial Inspermination on Before the 90 Days
On the latest 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Michael Ilesanmi said he wants kids of his own. Angela told her young lover that her uterus was as rusted as Mater from Cars (in so many words) but he’s optimistic. They considered whether they could make themselves a test tube offspring but that’s expensive. Angela said, “you gotta hope that artificial inspermination takes”.
Angela suggested Michael hurry up and eat so they can go have sex. He made a face like the one she made eating the cow’s foot. Later, they walked through a village, which Angela found peaceful, but she had something weighing on her – aside from her massive breasticles. They sat to talk after Michael reassured her the rickety stool would hold her weight (while viewers hoped it wouldn’t).
Turned out Angela Deem was creeping on his phone – but acted like that was normal behavior. She confronted Michael about his following 1k of other women on Instagram. Michael excuses about it being for business but Angela was livid about all the big booties and beautiful faces. Angela’s insecurity led to accusations that it’s his spank bank but Michael played coy.
— Gregory Pecker 👍 (@GSac45) September 10, 2018
Jesse Meester and Darcey Silva – Before the 90 Days
90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days brought us right back where we left off. The couple is in the den-of-doom AirBnb where tensions are high. Jesse pouted like a 9-year old child on the porch in his split-pea-soup-leotard from the Bolshoi Ballet store. With that nipple action, it must have been a chill breeze in the Connecticut air. Darcey Silva had to send her daughters out to lure in the dour Dutchman.
Jesse Meester sat, refused to eat, wouldn’t talk to Darcy and said he is “only here for da gerls.” Darcey scurried to serve Rice-a-Roni but he spurned it as her eyebrows danced like frightened eels. The girls were clearly appalled by Jesse’s rudeness and disrespect. The kids accurately diagnosed his passive-aggressive behavior and called him annoying.
Dessert was served and Darcey-sized carrot cake sat uneaten (like the bachelorette herself) while Jesse yet again admonished her. He said, “Babe, I am a steak man and you took that away from me.” Not even the San Fransisco treat could save the sad sack attempt of family “bonding.”
Darcey told the girls they had to Uber home since she’s not married as the bright light of psychosis flashed behind Jesse’s eyes. I guess the AirBnb master bedroom doesn’t have a door with a lock.
I’m sorry what in your eye?? pic.twitter.com/qxKSKRaOGr
— Jessica Bibeault (@Jbibeault613) September 10, 2018
Flying Louboutin Shoes and Putting Out Eyes
Cue the next morning on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days. Darcey said her feet were cold so she rested her tepid toes on Jesse Meester’s kicks prompting a full-blown footwear freak out that consumed them both. Okay, seriously now. This is a person unraveling before our eyes. In a move to make Carrie Bradshaw proud, Darcey launched a Louboutin and the sh*t hit the fan.
Jesse played #MeesterToo and told production he is not safe and wants to call “da police.” Like a sound bite from A Christmas Story, Jesse said the Louboutin could have put his eye out. It’s very important to him that we know the brand of the footwear missile was Louboutin and not something lame like 9 West. Darcey Silva also wanted 90 Day watchers to know the offending shoes cost a grand.
Jesse bailed with his camo Duffel and we cut to Darcey’s ugly crying – again. Through her snot bubbles, she insisted, “I’M A STRONG WOMAN!” while assuming a fetal position. Jesse fled and said it was over. Maybe Jesse Meester is going to hook up with all the women willing to pay him for sex.
Later, Jesse returned still reeling from the “shoo trowing.” Must have been a nice bonus check TLC wrote him to get him back into that house of horrors/love nest.
— Issa/Daniel❤️ (@bigbrotherfan35) September 10, 2018
The Ice Man Cried – 90 Day Fiance
Next on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, the shoe brawlers sat for an awkward interview. Jesse pledged to stand by Darcey if she would “work on herself”. At that point, how she didn’t stick a stiletto straight into his eye at close range, I’ll never understand. As the cameras rolled, Jesse freaking cried – then seemed baffled that he was leaking warm salty water.
FWIW, his cry face is much better looking than hers (not that it’s saying much). Darcey said she was happy he was the one crying for once prompting the third (maybe fourth) storm-off of the episode by Jesse. Darcey followed him in her red velvet dress she pulled from the costume closet for the local community theater’s Beauty and the Beast production.
Meanwhile, intrepid fans caught a glimpse of Darcey’s ankle and speculated she might be wearing an ankle monitor. She was cuffed for brawling with her twin, so hmm….
Jessed yelled to keep her drinking her problem away and said her brain gets triggered by one glass of alcohol. Darcey insists she doesn’t have a problem, but TLC treated viewers to a flashback scene that proved her a liar. We’ll drink to that! Jesse ran off again, booked a hotel, and left the AirBnB which will forever be haunted by soaring stilettos, poorly cut steak, and the aroma of Rice-a-Roni and broken dreams.
— Nuthin' But (@ateethang) September 10, 2018
Scottie’s Words Of Wisdom on 90 Day
On the latest 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, at the glorious Lagos Travel Inn, Angela took a load off to dip her feet in the pool and Facetime with daughter Scottie about Michael’s Instagram antics. Scottie agreed that it’s every woman’s right to go through her man’s phone but does manage to give her mama some much-needed words of wisdom.
Scottie reminded her mama that “not every relationship hinges on a visa or a green card.” Bravo Scottie! You tell her. Considering Angela dragged Scottie onto Maury not once but twice and accused her of cheating on her baby daddy, she should be lucky her kid even takes her calls!
— Issa/Daniel❤️ (@bigbrotherfan35) September 10, 2018
Hazel Needs That Green Card
Tarik Myers of the Pharoah tanks and plaid flannel searched for Hazel Cagalitan after brother Dean’s interrogation. He knocked at the door of the condo and said “Kitty”? After a lengthy pause, Hazel opened the door. We learned that she is afraid that Dean has put “doubts in the head of Tarik”. Hazel is so laser-focused on getting to America she’s willing to ignore his crazy brother and penchant for mesh shirts.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days Tarik tried to comfort her by pushing her hair out of her eyes and Hazel recoiled like Angela trying cow hoof. They decided to call it a night and got into bed with their pillow Berlin Wall still standing strong. In the morning, Tarik quizzed her about the ex (not her baby daddy – the other one).
Hazel admitted she contacted the other guy to try and get her clothes and bed back. Explains why she’s letting Tarik dress her in matching duds. Tarik is confused why his dirt-poor Filipino fiance doesn’t just give up the few things of value she owns. He must think she can just drop by TJMaxx and whip out her AmEx. Seems Hazel would let her furniture go if she gets a ticket to ‘Merica.
— Jayarr (@iitesla) September 10, 2018
Hard Boiled Ducks and Matching Shirts
Hazel Cagalitan and Tarik Myers met up with Dean Myers – all wearing matching TAAL Volcano shirts in various styles. They hit up a street market in their awful tourist garb. Hazel got Tarik a boiled egg (or so he thought). Surprise! There’s a poached duck fetus inside! Hazel added a little salt and vinegar and said its delicious while Tarik retched in the street.
The Americans aren’t looking good on this episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days. The boiled baby fowl and cow feet are not working well for the burger and fry crowd. Dean wasted no time being a jerk again. He demanded, “WHY WE AIN”T TALKIN BOUT YESTERDAY?! Dean then repulsed Hazel when he asked if she’ll be “enough woman” for Tarik, you know, in the bedroom. So offensive.
— Abbie Buhr (@absterbuhr) September 10, 2018
Most Awkward Video Chat Ever on Before the 90 Days?
We caught up with our favorite karaoke couple on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days. Across the pond, John Walters and Rachel Bear headed into the English countryside with Lucy dressed like a pink Teletubby. She was strapped to Jon’s chest enduring selfies and being squashed in between her mom and the ex-con for kissy moments.
Next, it was time for that special moment in every relationship when you call your GF’s dad and explain your criminal record. #awkward They did a video chat with Rachel’s dad with Lucy plopped within easy reach of two steaming cups of boiling beverage. Rachel’s dad took the talk in stride, obviously hoping that Jon’s visa NEVER gets approved.
Ok, that was a cute proposal. Can I be your husband. That was adorable. But Lucy crying in the background was foretelling their future #90DayFianceBeforeThe90Day #90dayfiance pic.twitter.com/ipf6cVIInL
— Issa/Daniel❤️ (@bigbrotherfan35) September 10, 2018
Milk Drunk Lucy Has Fun Storming the Castle
Later, Jon Walters drove them to an unknown destination while Lucy Bear napped after hitting the bottle. The felon whisked them to the place where King Arthur lived. It’s hard to imagine a Brit that thinks a fictional character lived somewhere. It’s called Arthurian “legend” for a reason – but the castle ruins were still pretty cool.
Lucy was once again attached to Jon as he led them to the edge of a cliff. Getting to one knee was a problem with the pink human fanny pack strapped to him. Jon proposed to an awestruck Rachel Bear who can’t believe a chunky little garbage man with a criminal past is in her league. Lucy cried (but not as hard as Jesse) and at least Jon wants to be her fadder.
— Bioexorcist (@Bio_exorcist) September 11, 2018
Pizza – The Brazilian Breakfast of Brides-to-Be
Stray dogs roam as morning broke in Brazil on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days. Paul Staehle tried to rouse a sleepy Karine Martin and her stuffed unicorn to finish wedding prep. Karine pulled the covers over her head and told him to go away. It’s not the first time a woman has told him this – and not the first time he’s ignored the request.
Paul tempted his young bride-to-be out of bed by offering pizza. The wedding day was at hand. Karine employed a glam squad that would make RuPaul proud. She looked like a fourth Kardashian sister by the time they were done. Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Karine – it fits!
— Michael L (@MichaelADLyons) September 10, 2018
Sit-Down Wedding in Back Porch Chairs
Paul hoped to avoid a panic attack during the ceremony. Seems like Karine should be the one panicking given her groom’s history. Karine’s mom rocked a pink lace dress with a black bra showing out the back. Karine’s dad had his knockoff Izod polo and it seemed no one was taking the event seriously. Karine cried, delayed, and left Paul sweating for a half hour before she decided the check from TLC was worth it.
Finally, she appeared, trotted down the aisle double time and decided to fast-track the vows like ripping off a Band-Aid. The bride and groom sat in matching plastic Walmart lawn chairs and swapped vows via translator. Karine’s mom looked like she wanted to die. The nuptials were complete and somewhere Paul’s mom sensed the severing of apron strings and cried out in anguish.
They had a boat reception with Karine’s dad leading a toast and viewers hoping for an iceberg. Of course, Karine recently told Paul she wants a divorce, so looks like it didn’t take.
— Morra (@ntmorra) September 10, 2018
Ricky Keeps Getting Worse – 90 Day Fiance
Finally, 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days wrapped with Lilliputian compulsive-liar Ricky Reyes. After a night of passion with substitute Colombian Ximena, Ricky brewed coffee in tiny cups. Ricky revealed he called Ximena by Melissa’s name while they “were getting a little bit intimate.” Why Ricky would conjure the name of a non-GF remains unknown – maybe that’s what he calls his junk.
Ricky lied and said Melissa was someone from the production team. So that makes sense how? Is he implying with this sloppy lie that he was banging someone the TLC crew? Ximena didn’t care because she wants a green card to get outta there. They bebopped around town holding hands, eating strawberries and bought bathing suits. Ricky plunked down the plastic and made her feel like “a Hollywood celebrity”.
Hypocritical-Rick suspected her true intentions and grilled her on the $1500 dollars he sent and her suspiciously-timed nose job. He confronted her and Ximena played the deviated septum excuse. Later over mojitos, Ricky told some more lies while babbling about truth. Good thing she does not care one bit. Ximena’s eye is on a one-way plane ticket to the good old US of A so Ricky can keep fibbing it seems.
That’s it – tune into TLC for more and come back to Soap Dirt often for all the 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days spoilers and news.