’90 Day Fiance’: Lisa’s Got 50 Mens Willing to Marry Her – But Darcey Can’t Get One?

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Lisa Hamme’s hangry over hoes all up in SojaBoy’s DMs. There are splits, hot servings of catfish, and uncomfortable encounters galore as we get closer to the end of the season. Put on your miracle mask, and let’s get into season 4, episode 13 The Pleasure Principle. You can catch the show Sundays at 8 PM on TLC.

Lisa Hamme’s Got “Many Mens” Who Want To Marry Her on 90 Day Fiance

Lisa Hamme is stressing. Her big fat Nigerian wedding is hours away. And Lisa’s missing an important piece of paper to become Mrs. SojaBoy. It’s her divorce papers. Holed up in the motel, Lisa calls the states and talks to a person named Pam. When Pam dares to put her on hold, raspy-voiced BGL calls her out as unpleasant. Ummm really? (Pot-kettle much?)

Then, Pam returns and offers to email said paperwork ASAP. And then Lisa Hamme calls her a lifesaver. Usman Umar plants kisses all over his salty cougar on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. The two decide on a night out to celebrate. But the happiness is short-lived. And Usman faces another hurdle in his quest to get to the U.S. It seems Lisa snooped while innocently trying to get WiFi off his phone.

90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days- Lisa Hamme

And, she found a ho in the DMs. Worse yet, Usman told this particular bish that he loved her. That isn’t going to fly, so Lisa Hamme f-bombs him like she’s a fighter pilot. In Lisa’s choppy mock-Nigerian accent, she says she isn’t putting up with it. She’s got at least 50 mens who are waiting to marry her in the US. Usman says not like him.

To which Lisa Hamme claps back that he’s just local talent. Burn. Usman mumbles about the woman being a fan, and these things happen. Lisa Hamme stomps off and he hangs his head and says he will still marry her. This 90 Day Fiance man has put up with so much from Lisa.

Maybe he ought to toss her back to those 50 other fictional mens. And maybe Lisa Hamme can pass a few of those over to desperate Darcey.

90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days- Lisa Hamme

Avery Warner & Ash Naeck Finally Agree on Something

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Avery spent some time with Ash’s ex-wife Sian. She found out that their divorce was more recent than Ash had let on. And that Sian isn’t comfortable with their son Taj spending long stretches in America. But Avery agreed to stay in the same hotel room with Ash the night before. But hasn’t brought any of it up yet since it takes her some time and some weed to properly process things.

Ash is nervous about what tea his ex might have spilled to his 90 Day Fiance gal. So, he tries to distract her with his ripped bod and junk barely hidden behind a hotel towel. Avery brings up the subject of Taj first. And that maybe they should put off Ash moving to America until he’s a little older. Ash agrees this is the adult thing to do. She brings up the lie about the timeline of the divorce. Ash stutters and juts out a hip, hoping the towel will fall. But no such luck.

On 90 Day Fiance, Ash says he was afraid to tell her the truth at first because it might seem like they had been trying to work it out. But they weren’t. They just never got around to it. Avery accepts that answer because it matches what Sian says. The couple then spend time skipping rocks with Taj and bonding. Avery is heading home soon and Ash hasn’t proposed. So things are still up in the air with these two on Before The 90 Days.

Tom Brooks Creeps To Canada on Before The 90 Days

Tom is still in the big apple. He’s going to meet an old friend for a drink before he flies to Canada. His pal goes by the name of Hammy the Hamster. Hammy looks like he could seamlessly show up on The Real Housewives Of New York as any of the ladies’ exes. Tom tells the long and tedious story of Darcey and the letter. And the door slammed in his face. He conveniently leaves out the potshot he took on her weight.

Tom admits he started seeing someone behind her back on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Hammy shakes his head. Well of course she slammed the door. And tells Tom that karma is a b*tch. An even bigger one than Darcey. And that he better look over his shoulder. Tom packs up and heads for Canada to see his new lady love. But, it seems like karma already struck with that unfortunate wardrobe choice of a sequin skull shirt.

Meanwhile, Darcey spent “quality time” with her daughters (and TLC crew). By handing out face masks. She is going to do the “miracle mask” because she needs a 90 Day Fiance miracle. She dons the rubbery plastic mask and looks like something from a horror movie. The girls are kind and tell their mom she looks like Barbie. But where is her Ken? Darcey says she’s a great role model for the girls as she leans in for a selfie with duck lips in her mask.

90 Day Fiance Spoilers: Stephanie Matto - Erika - Before the 90 Days

Stephanie Matto Tortures Erika Owens One Last Time

On Before The 90 Days, Stephanie and Erika never got around to the thunder down under. Not even a small rumble. After basically treating Erika like s*it the entire time, Stephanie broke a bowl then ended things. But sad sack Stephanie needs one more audience with the cameras to pout and play the victim. So, she summons Erika to a cafe for one last chat on 90 Day Fiance.

Erika shows up in her best Tiger King souvenir wear. The once-bubbly Aussie seems downright defeated by the yawner from Yonkers. Stephanie tells us all again that she’s got these jealousy and insecurity issues. Erika trumps that with coming out to her parents for Steph. And she suggests Steph should’ve figured her s*it out before hopping a plane. Watch as Steph flips it and makes Erika’s hurt about herself instead.

Later on 90 Day Fiance, Erika returns home for a heart-to-heart with her mum. There have been some really strange parental dynamics on this show. But finally, we see a truly genuine one. Erika tells her mum what’s going on. That she kept giving Steph chances every time she crushed her spirit. Her mum says that’s because of her beautiful soul. And offers up a hug and nothing more. It was perfect.

Yolanda Leaks

Yolanda Still Believes In Wee-yums on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Yolanda Leaks sits down with a cup of her favorite General Foods International Coffee and sends a text to Williams. That’s despite her kids proving he is definitely not the man in the pictures he claimed to be. And is most likely Nigerian and not British. But Yolanda isn’t giving up hope. Not after 7 months of emoji-filled convos that made her feel warm and fuzzy.

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, she asks him why she hasn’t heard from him. And he says he’s broken and “in pains”. It seems he lost his only Auntie. Yolanda skips over poor old Auntie and says she knows now why he won’t FaceTime. And just wants him to send a picture of the real him. He flips it around and asks how does he know if this is the real Yolanda. So she sends a pic.

And again asks him to please send one. Crickets. Yolanda goes on to say that her kids would be angry if they knew she was having catfish with her afternoon coffee. But she still believes that William is real and he is waiting for her in a cottage in England somewhere. She says the magic of love is wonderful. And she still wants to go to England and meet him. So she sips her Cafe Vienna and waits.

David Murphey - Yolanda Leaks

Big Ed’s Going Back to Cali

Big Ed is still sitting by the pool where we left him last week on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. He dips his toes and wonders why Rose could be so harsh. After all, Ed gave her a toothbrush and taught her how to shave her legs. And, he even pointed out how awful her home and her culture was. He thinks she just needs a little time to cool off. Then he can suggest a facial to help with those pesky breakouts.

Ed waddles up to the room and finds that Rose is gone — like packed up all her stuff outta here gone. So she wasn’t kidding when she said she was done. Ed runs his hand through his hair. He sniffles. It’s been hard being single for over 20 years. And he gave up his relationship with his daughter so he could follow his heart. Although it seems he was really following something else. So it’s back to San Diego he goes to try and put his life back together one packet of Hellmans at a time.

David Finally Meets Lana on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

In the kind of moment Yolanda can only dream of, David Murphey got the last laugh when his seven-year dream girl finally showed up after four flubbed treks to Ukraine. This week, we get a glimpse into Lana’s daily life. TLC treats us to what Lana had been doing the 24 hours before she strolled up those steps while David was boring hotel clerks and firing detectives. And it seems youth hockey wasn’t really involved.

Lana first does squats at the gym and shows off an impressive booty. Next, she waxes about how much she loves Kiev. As her hometown of Pavlohrad was a tad boring. She also shops for makeup. And says she hears that the United States has the best. Next, she hits up a coffee shop in an Overstock peach-colored Nike sweatsuit with the shirt on backward. She chats with a friend about going to meet David on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Lana Gets Selective With Producers

The producer asks Lana hard questions. She says she was attracted to David’s photos on the site. And that he liked to travel. But when asked if she gets paid by the website, Lana stares straight ahead and won’t answer. The producer asks her to please answer the question. But her lips are sealed. When asked why she failed to meet him at the restaurant the last time she says she changed her mind.

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, David stumbles around and giggles in between grabbing her into his long leather clutches and saying mmmm. It’s all a little creepy and Lana remains without emotion. But does tell producers he’s attractive and better than she expected — except for the coat. David grabs a Victoria’s Secret bag of gifts for her. Little does she know it’s some Russell Stover and little lotions from the hotel. They head into the cold Ukrainian sunset. MMMM.

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