On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Lisa Hamme isn’t handling Soja Boy’s “celebrity” lifestyle very well. Stephanie Matto lands down under and finally meets Erika Owens. Big Ed Brown can’t stop obsessing over Rose Maries’s past. Plus, Avery Warner and Ash Naeck seal the deal ahead of time.
Plus, David heads to Ukraine with massage oil and cubic zirconia for Lana. And Yolanda Leaks reconnects with invisible man Williams. Let’s break down all the sweaty and colorful goodness of season 4, episode 5 Our Lips Are Sealed. You can catch the show Sunday nights on TLC.
90 Day Fiance: Lisa Hamme Can’t Take the Heat After Soja Boy Cut the Beat
On Before The 90 Days, Lisa Hamme isn’t cut out for the celeb girlfriend life. Baby Girl’s in dire need of a Big Ed mayo hair mask and an attitude adjustment. Lisa complains about spicy food and how hard it is to deal with Usman Umar’s legion of female fans. Through it all, Soja Boy Usman shows nothing but patience for raspy Lisa Hamme.
Then, 90 Day Fiance Soja takes Baby Lisa to the studio where he wrote his song about her. Or as she says “cut the beat”. Next, Soja Boy wants to introduce her to the video director ahead of the premiere. Then, Lisa Hamma calls the guy an idiot. Soja Boy does damage control the best he can. And she says she wasn’t happy that they used a model instead of her.
Then, the director tries his best to explain to Lisa Hamme. He calls her the queen of queens, and Usman Umar says it’s a compliment. But what he really meant is that she is a pain in the a** on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days.
BabyGirlLisa: “I’ve never met a celebrity before.”
Everyone: “You still haven’t.”
— @MoviePerv (@MoviePerv) March 23, 2020
Lisa’s Jealousy Threatens Usman’s Celeb Status on Before The 90 Days
Usman Umar takes Lisa Hamme to meet his friend and celebrate Soja Boy’s generic ode to her. This time, Lisa left her long-train skort at home — saving that for her red carpet debut on the arm of Soja. His friend Abba meets them at a bar simply called “pub”. Lisa wants to know more about Usman’s music career. And why it’s his pash-unn on 90 Day Fiance.
Before The 90 Days shows Lisa playing the fool before drinks are even served, then, she fusses about the female fans and hot chick in the music video. Oh, the horror. When Soja Boy’s buddy suggests fans are important, Lisa tells him to shut the F up and then storms off whining to producers about respect. Anybody else have deja-vu on another 50-something chick beefing with her 90 Day Fiance Nigerian boy toy’s friends?
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) March 23, 2020
Stephanie Arrives in The Outback – Not the Steak House
On 90 Day Fiance, Stephanie Matto’s en route to visit her online gal pal Erika Owens in the Aussie outback. We see Erika doing a photo-shoot with adorable kangaroos. And hanging out in the middle of nowhere in folding chairs drinking with her friends. Erika’s style is like a walking 90’s middle school locker. She’s giddy about meeting her online love Stephanie on Before the 90 Days.
Of course, all token 90 Day Fiance friends must raise doubts. Even edgy ones. So, they share their concerns about how quick it’s going. Then, Erika says she finds gals more sensual. And there’s a shortage of them willing to take a dip in the lady pond in her hometown of Porpoise Spit. (Muriel’s Wedding fans will get this.) She too hasn’t come out to her parents yet — even though she lives with them.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Stephanie arrives in all her masked glory. The two hug and squeal and argue how to best hold hands. Stephanie feels a little trip stank. She’s worried Erika will want to check out her bloomin’ onion before she can freshen up. Maybe she should’ve dropped into the ladies’ room for a little Darcey Silva airport ho bath.
— realitytvhubs (@realitytvhubs) March 23, 2020
David Leaves Sin City For Ukraine on Before The 90 Days
David heads to Russia to meet his “girlfriend” of seven years, Lana of the Ukraine. He’s gone to meet the blonde, blue-eyed beauty before, but she never showed. Citing the usual catfish excuses like a death in the family or the fact that she doesn’t really exist. But David is 60, well off, and ready to settle down. He packs a selection of sherbet-colored shirts, and throws in some “massage oil”. Because he’s an expert. Eww.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, David wants to propose to Lana so he hits up the local jewelry store for a ring — and straight-up asks for a CZ since it shines. And because he won’t be out as much dough when Lana doesn’t show due to alien abduction. The jeweler questions him about her ring size and of course he has no idea because he’s never physically seen this woman.
Dave’s friend drops him at the airport with a final warning he’s about to be humiliated once again. But, he presses on and, then, miracle of all miracles, Anya shows. She admits there were no sparks after she reeled in her catfish. Yet, David doesn’t get it and says they’ll meet in the morning. So, Anya says Oh-keeee. We know what that means. She’s about to be a prospective 90 Day Fiance who’s MIA. Damn those alien body snatchers…
— Queenie Steele (@Destyned2suffer) March 23, 2020
Fear and Ghosting in Las Vegas
Our other 90 Day Fiance sin city citizen doesn’t fare much better. Yolanda Leaks has been talking to mystery man Williams for seven months. After trying to figure out the closest airport so she can get a plane ticket, Williams did a vanishing act right down to his Instagram. Yolanda kept texting. Then, he resurfaced with a tale of hacking and other catfishing excuses on Before the 90 Days.
So, Yolanda goes shopping with her BFF, who raises the token 90 Day Fiance friend concerns. Then, Yolanda gets a text from Williams with heart emojis — and that’s all she needs. So, she will still try and pin him down wherever he is. Even if it means taking along some paint to throw so Yolanda can find her Invisible Man. Honestly can’t she and David just get together and call it a day? They’re practically neighbors.
— BasicBravoLisa (@lisaleelis) March 23, 2020
Avery and Ash Heat Things up Early on Before The 90 Days
Avery Warner planned to take things slowly with her Australian relationship guru Ash Naeck. But his smooth talk and sexy bod got the best of her. The two enjoy some morning-after cuddles. Then, Avery tells producers he’s the best she’s had in her bed — and it was more than once. (Can they beat Angela and Mykull’s record, though?). Next, they make plans while chopping fruit.
Yet, skeptical brother Anteesh doesn’t trust Avery’s motives. On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Avery asks if it’s okay to get a drink when they go to dinner with his brother. Ash doesn’t mind. Then, Avery reminds us she has a fondness for wine and cannabis – but he doesn’t. Outfitted in jeggings, Ash takes Avery out sightseeing. She’s still not into Ash answering everything like a life coach.
They meet Anteesh, who is basically buttoned-down Ash with smooth hair and less-crazy eyes. Avery jumps right in and orders a very dirty martini. Ash goes out on a limb and gets one too. So, his brother goes into a judgement spiral grilling Avery’s intentions while smugly sipping tap water. Ash’s eyes pop and dart while Anteesh predicts trouble in the future and recommends more alcohol.
Ed, you should feel lucky that she went home alone. Because if you went back to your hotel together you weren't getting out of there alive. pic.twitter.com/54S6GneIAq
— brianjcarpenter (@carpenterbrianj) March 23, 2020
Big Ed’s Paranoia Over Rose’s Past Pushes Her Away on 90 Day Fiance
On Before The 90 Days, Big Ed Brown seeks refuge from the heat inside a nail salon with girlfriend Rose Marie. She’s upset and suggests Ed calm down. He’s distracted for a minute during his foot scraping but still bothered by the sheer numbers of Rose’s Facebook friends. Dude. The girl lives in a two-room shack with no plumbing. Facebook is a lifeline. He demands to know if her exes are still on her page.
Rose says no on 90 Day Fiance. And she’s tired of the grilling. The past is the past, and it ain’t coming back. Big E lets it go for now, and the two head to dinner. But, as Rose says she’s having a nice time, Ed starts up again. He wants an STD test. Rose makes a face like she drank his leftover pedicure water. Then, she demands Ed get tested too. He says sure. But not here. Only in the US is anyone taking his blood.
And then, a star is born. In the most Emmy-worthy performance of an actress in a lead role on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Rose pulls out all the stops to hang on to that green card. She clutches her heart and says she’s hurt. She cries real human tears. And delivers a monologue about Ed casting her as a “dirty woman”. So, she’ll go home alone – after Ed books a hotel for her. Don’t cry for me Philippines.
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