The Love After Lockup recap finds that Lizzie is even worse than we thought. She confessed to scamming $800k from “tricks” while in prison. A weepy Clint turns giddy after finding out Tracie is safely back in jail after a six-day crack bender. Married Michael wants to propose to Megan at Niagara Falls. And Matt blows a job interview while Caitlin plays maid. Let’s dig on to all the drama of season 2 Episode 9 “The $800K Hustle”.
Love After Lockup Recap: Tracie Smokes Crack – Clint Loves Her Anyway
On Love After Lockup, a weepy Clint calls up ex-wife and boss Hailey. Tracie’s been MIA for six days now with the rental car and some crack. He is worried sick. But not because she’s on a crack bender or in a stolen rental car. Instead he thinks it’s a scary world for “beautiful females by themselves”. Even if they do smell like tequila, sadness and dirty feet. And only have one shoe.
Hailey arrives sporting a fresh Kate Gosselin hairdo and the Sabika cross collection from 2002. Clint doesn’t want to hear “I told you so”. Clint shares tender details of the wedding night. He laid his head in Tracie’s lap while she smoked crack. But then she wanted more – crack that is, not Clint. This made him cry (as does everything) on Love After Lockup.
— Supreme D (@SupremeD14) February 3, 2019
Clint’s Goddess Gone – Tears Galore for Pathetic Hubby
Clint walked out leaving phone, keys, money, and wallet in the room. With his Love After Lockup crackhead bride. What could go wrong? Hailey takes it all in. She’s as smug as Paris Hilton at a velvet rope. She advises him to lawyer up ASAP. Clint tells her that his “goddess” is honorable. She only stole half his money and didn’t take his debit card – but he’s not sure if she was too high to not it there…
Clint cries to his mama. She quotes Dr. Phil and gives him some solid advice. Tracie ain’t no spring chicken. Mama Clint says Tracie’s looks will fade and he’ll be left with an old drug addict. In other words: beauty fades but crack is forever. No truer words have ever been spoken on Love After Lockup. Then Hailey calls to tell him he got a jailhouse call at work. Woo hoo! Great news for him – his goddess is back in jail safe and sound. Sadly, this is great news for Clint.
— Your Thighness?? (@17ShortFuse) February 3, 2019
Lizzie Does The Hustle and Goes To Confession on LAL
On Love After Lockup, Scott and Lizzie drag their sad offspring to church. Incredibly lightning doesn’t strike as Lizzie and her abundance of cleavage wander around the vestibule. Lizzie tells daughter Jazmyne she has a surprise and fishes out a broken menthol cigarette, fossilized piece of Dentyne, and finally her engagement ring. Jazmyne is NOT happy.
Lizzie hums a wedding march and demands Scott recite vows to her NOW. Scott stutters and stammers. Jazmyne takes this as a definite sign they should not get married. Did she really need another one? Then LAL has Lizzie excitedly head to confession. She tells the priest she was online prostituting herself for drug money. No word if the priest called for an exorcism or sentenced her to 800k Hail Marys.
— PlainJane (@PlainJa55475150) February 2, 2019
Megan Loses her V-Card on Love After Lockup
Meanwhile, in Niagara Falls on LAL. Megan is delighted that her legs are sore as she’s been deflowered. Those “Sex For Dummies” classes with bonus “Twerk it to Work it” DVD came in handy. Michael spills all the grimy details to producers. Apparently there are other parts of Megan’s body that are also sore. Her father must be furious right now. Poor dad.
Megan swoons as the two walk through the Falls. Married Michael ponders how to propose on Love After Lockup. She feels like a real couple and snaps selfies. He lies about is phone since he had to hide it because his wife Sarah is blowing it up. Michael tries to reenact the Titanic king of the world scene on Maid of the Mist. Somewhere Leonardo DiCaprio’s eye is twitching. Megan got his thing, but is still waiting on the ring…
— Whitney K. (@whitnstilettos) January 26, 2019
Wife Sarah Certain He’s Not Cheating – Mwa Ha Ha
On Love After Lockup, Sarah is pissed. She vents to her friend going ratchet half the time. She’s worried he’s violating parole, not another woman… Megan preens for a dinner date. Michael gets an obvious bullsh*t text from Sarah. It says his PO contacted her and he needs to get back ASAP. Quick thinking Sarah. Way to scare him out of Megan’s bed.
Back in the Falls, Megan asks if he’s for real. Michael says he’s “dead a**” sure. He leaves pulling up his pants to head back to the wife. Megan sobs in a hotel robe about the unfairness of it all. On the upside, her lady parts can get some R&R tonight. It’s a damned shame when you can’t get another woman’s husband to stick around long enough for post-de-virginizing dinner.
— DakotaCassidy (@DakotaCassidy) February 3, 2019
LAL: Matt Blows His Interview and Caitlin Cleans Up on
On Love After Lockup, Matt’s buddy Sam hooked his parolee pal up with a job interview. It’s in an alley with another ex-con. He preps for the interview by vaping. The car looks like Spicoli’s van from Fast Times. Matt brags about his 12 felonies – quite the impressive resume. Matt clearly has zero job experience having been primarily behind bars.
The boss asks Matt to don some safety glasses and a hard hat then puts him to the test. He asks him to prime the pump. Matt’s confused at first then say he can’t work because he’ll get dirty. The two men bicker Matt curses, and is about to pop off and pop the guy. So, not the best interview ever… Later on LAL, Matt tells Sam that things got a little heated.
Caitlin Wondering if Matt’s Not Destined for Success
Poor Caitlin was sure hoping her Love After Lockup sweetie would land a job, but let’s get real. Matt reports he wanted to punch the guy but didn’t. At Sam’s apartment, Caitlin cleaned. Yet at Matt’s mom’s place, she chain smokes Marlboro Reds while Matt’s mom cleans her undies and picks up their Taco Bell wrappers.
Caitlin whines and nags about Matt blowing the interview. Matt smiles a toothless grin realizing he’s bought another day of popping Coronas in the yard unshaven. While everyone watching LAL realizes Matt is counting the days til he’s back in the pokey, Caitlin still seems naively optimistic that her obsessive love can save him.
Marcelino is mad that the camera crew didn't tell him about Amanda lol it's ok, they let Megan lose her virginity to Michael without saying shit. The crew at #LoveAfterLockup are cold af ??
— Crystal Rose (@GalaxyOfCrystal) February 2, 2019
Marcelino Calls Out Love After Lockup Production!
On LAL, after Brittany confesses to Marcelino she’s been hanging with her cellie lover Amanda, he does something surprising. He corners the camera guys and wants to know why production let this go on and didn’t tell him. These is the same crew that watched a virgin hand her innocence to a convict knowing he was married to someone else. Did Marcelino expect human decency from Love After Lockup producers?
He storms off swearing at the camera men for being in on the deceit. Brittany is all flowing hair and self-help speak as she trails him. Marcelino calms down and says he’s just scared she’ll wind up back in jail from seeing bad influences. Unfortunately the worst influence seems to be the people producing LAL and setting everyone up for failure. Be sure to tune in Friday nights at 10pm on WE TV.
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