90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days S2 E7 recap of ‘Truth or Lie’ showed Angela Deem went nuts in Nigeria, Rachel Bear said a tearful goodbye, Jesse Meester loves free refills, and Ricky Reyes felt the wrath of Ximena. Paul Staehle dons a ridiculous vest to chase his runaway wife. And we met a stripper dating a conservative Muslim man, so that won’t be awkward at all. Let’s see what happened.
Jesse Meester – Glutton for Punishment on 90 Day Fiance?
We begin the episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days in a hotel room where Jesse Meester summoned his pouty princess to discuss the fate of their May-December romance. Jesse said he and Darcey Silva were up all night “talking.” Sure. That’s why he agreed to take her back despite the lobbed Louboutin shoe.
Jesse is doing his best condom impersonation with requisite beanie perched precariously on his head. The deluded couple says they are “back together” and head to say goodbye to the girls. Darcey forces an awkward group hug while Jesse thanks “da gerls” for receiving him. The girls breathe a sigh of relief over the Amsterdam exit.
Darcey Silva – Jesse’s Ticket to Free Refills
The 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days trainwreck of love continued as Darcey Silva drove Jesse to the airport and talked about the state of their relationship. We saw in Jesses face the slow burn of hatred and eagerness to jet outta there. He waxed poetic about “CT” and how he will miss “da nature” and “da food” and free refills!
Things seemed normal-ish between them for a moment until Darcey hit a traffic jam which Jesse blamed solely on her. Once again, she ruins everything. He worried he’d miss his flight and have to endure one more second listening to her drivel. He said in his aside that he looked forward to having room to grow and meditate – in Amsterdam – far from Darcey (implied).
At the airport, they said goodbye but then Darcey couldn’t stand it and ran after him into the airport, leaping on him like a crazed horny toad. Horny, not horned. One tidbit that didn’t make the show but TLC tweeted later was that Jesse Meester was mirror-primping in the traffic jam and a brake slam left him face smacked.
— TLC Network (@TLC) September 17, 2018
Pole Dancing Runs in Marta’s Family on 90 Day Fiance
90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days decided to introduce a new couple mid-season so we meet single mom Marta (no last name apparently) from Milwaukee. Her online love is Daya (pronounced Dee-Yah), a Muslim man from Algeria. In a strange parallel to veteran 90-day couple Paul Staehle and Karine Martins, they also communicate via translator app.
Marta, like Karine, is fond of emoji use and sleeps with a stuffed unicorn. We met her adorable kids and her son was not happy that mommy is running off to Algeria for two weeks. Later over pedicures, we learned that Marta supports her kids by stripping! We were treated to a video montage of half naked girls poles at her place of employment “The Airport Lounge”.
I’m sure she appreciated TLC putting that out there so that every wack nut flying through Milwaukee will surely stop by to slip a dollar in her thong (or in Paul’s case a lock of hair). We also learned that Marta comes from a long line of exotic dancers. Mom and Grandma apparently were no strangers to the pole. It’s important to honor family traditions.
Alpha Women, Strippers and Psychics on Before the 90 Days
Marta’s mom worried on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days about her stripper daughter dating a conservative Islamic Muslim. Marta admitted he wasn’t happy about it (duh). She defended her career with the tried and true mantra from the stripper employee handbook: it’s empowering. You go, girl! Because sashaying with funbags out to Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” for slimy men in the dark is a real confidence booster!
Her mom saw a psychic who told her something awful would happen to Marta in Algeria, such as homicide. Mom warned her daughter that the culture is male-dominated and that Daya won’t accept her career. She also points out that Marta comes from a long line of live nude performing alpha women and that this relationship probably isn’t going to fly…
— Harriet Oleson (@HarrietOleson1) September 17, 2018
London Eye on Jon Walters & Gross Open Relationships
Next, Before the 90 Days took us to London. Lucy Bear, mama, and the man that looks like he might have sired the kid take a ride on the London Eye. Rachel Bear whined that the universe is conspiring to keep her and her knight in shining garbage truck apart. What do a few violent felonies matter when they found love? The only thing more boring than Rachel is the incessant Out Daughtered commercials.
Later, Jon Walters and Rachel (with Lucy strapped on for the ride) met Jon’s best friend Matt. The guy arrives and is friendly enough although it appears he’s never seen a real live baby before. Good thing there’s lots of tea in London because Jon’s friends keep spilling it. Matt told Rachel Jon does not have the best track record when it comes to commitment and fidelity.
This led Jon to blurt out that he’s been in multiple open relationships. Rachel got all indignant and called it “gross.” A bigger question might be how many married women are that interested in banging a tiny trash man? Quite a few, apparently.
— ✨Suplex Kittay ??♀️ (@SuplexKittay) September 17, 2018
Rachel Bear Leaves London in Tears
Later on Before the 90 Days, at yet another pub, Rachel Bear quizzed Jon about his past with an air of moral superiority. This from a woman who got knocked up while long-distance-dating Jon. Rachel’s self-esteem, which she already said was gutter low, was officially below sea level. Jon did his best to reassure her as they headed to the airport for a tearful goodbye.
Lucy called Jon da-da not once, but twice! Rachel headed back to Albuquerque and her other child. Jon headed back to his life in waste management after smelling Lucy’s head twice and telling her he loves her. Good news for the ladies of London – Jon Walters is back on the prowl!
— J Λ D Σ D (@mologbalsack) September 18, 2018
Rickey Reyes Tells the Truth (Finally)
Next on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, we headed to Columbia. With a snazzy Latin beat, ill-fated lovers Ximena ad Ricky Reyes headed to a resort. Ricky planned his proposal with the recycled ring intended for sketchy Melissa. Ximena was equally lovestruck and certain a proposal was imminent. Ricky’s plan-B babe was about to be blindsided.
At a romantic dinner, Ricky sweated and guzzled red wine to gird himself for his scumbag confession. Ximena told him to calm down then Ricky came clean to volume shopping on Colombian Cupid. He salted the wound and admitted he loved Melissa with blonde hair, big boobs, and braces and said he came to Columbia for the other woman.
— Ruben (@PridefulTexan) September 17, 2018
Ximena Is No Second Plate!
Usually on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, the green-card-seeking suitors let lots slide (felonies, cheating, stripping…) but not Ximena. She unloaded some Latina scorned woman wrath on lying Ricky. Ximena informed him he had some “huevos” to pull this and said “she doesn’t give an ass!” as she stormed back to the hotel declaring “Ximena is no one’s second plate”. Fans guess she’ll be coming back to Ricky because “she loves him” which on this show means “wants a green card”.
Meanwhile, on a plane to Amsterdam, Jesse asked the flight attendant for a free refill of his Tab with lemon. Rachel wondered if Jon was making the open relationship rounds and Ricky sat dejected by the light of a tiki torch. Revenge is a dish best served cold on a second plate. Good for Ximena.
— RealityTVNurse (@Overlyattached8) September 17, 2018
Karine Martins to Paul Staehle: “Go F*ck Yourself”
Back in Brazil on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Paul Staehle roamed with stray dogs in what looks like a bullet proof vest. He was on the search for a street flower not strewn with fire ants to appease his moody pimply bride. Apparently, he offended Karine Martin’s family by insinuating that her brother is a thief for eating some food from Paul’s fridge. Paul is from the South, but I guess wasn’t brought up with any Southern hospitality. It’s a good thing Karine’s brother didn’t touch the bag of Paul’s mom’s hair he keeps probably now keeps in the freezer.
Angry Karine decided she wants a DIVORCE ASAP and no amount of translator app groveling by Paul would change her mind. No translator required as the blushing bride told him to go “f*ck himself.” She ran off with Paul in pursuit and padlocked herself into her Aunt’s apartment. Her husband could do nothing but holla “Fala” a million times to viewers’ irritation.
Karine’s Mom Takes a Stand – With Bananas at Hand
90 Day Karine’s mom dealt with Paul while Karine was on self-imposed lockdown. Creepy Paul came with a translator to chat up Mrs. Martins. It’s strange that Karine’s brother came hungry to her house given that the Martins keep a buttload of bananas in the house. Karine’s mom clearly hates her weirdo son-in-law, called him a smart-ass and volunteered to buy new groceries.
Paul went off on a rant about how he gave up everything, paid for everything, and left behind his mother, unseen father, and a decade-old dog to be in Brazil. Frustration mounting, he handed over Karine’s wedding rings, and stormed off. Karine’s mother vowed she will do everything in her power to split them up and keep her daughter from moving to America with the maniac.
— RealityTVNurse (@Overlyattached8) September 17, 2018
Angela Deem’s Boob Tattoos and Lies
This episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days finds Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi at a Nigerian beach resort. Angela is ready for romance in a hot pink lycra spandex top that teases a flash of her boob tattoo. At least the tattoo artist had a sizeable canvas on which to work…
But first things first – Angela had some bones to pick with Michael and we ain’t talking cow femur. She asked to see his phone and was dismayed that all the Insta-girls were still intact. Angela is still not featured as his wallpaper. Michael stumbled and stuttered about being too busy with her to update his phone screen.
Michael Ilesanmi – BJ Barter System
Then it was a Before the 90 Days jaw dropper when Angela brought up the big one. Turns out Michael got a hummer from a local THOT after he and Angela had just started in their online chats. This was months before the two had ever met in person. The long and short of it was Michael offered a ride to a girl that offered a BJ barter. Sex for a taxi fare must be a thing there.
Hilariously, Michael said he didn’t know what happened until it was almost over. How a man doesn’t notice a mouth around his junk remains a mystery. Angela said she didn’t believe him and came up with her own story of how Michael got the BJ. Angela said he was trolling bars with his friends looking for a hookup. Micheal’s English is more broken than Anglea’s iPhone screen. He has trouble explaining things to Angela so he broke down and said she’s right hoping to end the argument.
His plan didn’t work and enraged Angela even more. Angela couldn’t decide which story was more offensive – consensual sex with a girl at da club or oral sex for a car ride. The first scenario is so much less creepy!
— YourWatchParty (@yourwatchparty) September 17, 2018
MAGA Hat Revoked!
After the beachside fellatio confession on 90 Day Fiance, Angela stormed off and drowned her sorrows in their version of Long Island Iced Tea. She called daughter Scottie to vent who said, “Michael’s done called me”. Angela made the call on the ubiquitous cracked phone screen all these TLC stars have.
Angela was outraged that he called her family. She decided to take her ass back to ‘Merica and he said, “get your sh*t.” Angela tossed laundry like a Maytag gone mad and then repossessed the MAGA hat she gifted him.
— Ashely Freeman (@ashleyfreeman77) September 18, 2018
Get Outta My Georgia A** Face
In the last scenes in Nigeria on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Angela coined her catchphrase which shall live on in infamy. Angela said, “you will not wear my godd*amn president’s hat b*tch.” Keeping it classy til the bitter end. Angela assaulted Michael and production intervened. She then shouted her mantra at Michael telling him he’d better “Get outta my Georgia ass face.”
She said it’s over, her a** is going home so I guess that means he doesn’t have to wipe it. To be fair, she didn’t need any help on that score. Michael seemed heartbroken (over his chance to leave Nigeria) but there will be more on that next week.
Come back to Soap Dirt often for lots more 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days spoilers and news.