On this week’s 90 Day Fiance recap, Michael tells Natalie he doesn’t believe in God, but does believe in aliens and spaceships. Tania Maduro dips on Syngin Colchester to go to Costa Rica. Emily McCue Larina discovers that Sasha Larin’s better at making babies than caring for them. And Jasmin Lahtinen shuts up Blake Abelard. Let’s dive in to the real and the ridiculous of Season 7 episode 5 We Need To Talk. 90 Day Fiance is on Sunday nights at 8 PM on TLC.
90 Day Fiance Recap: Natalie’s Got Baby Fever on 90 Day Fiance
It’s the morning after a night of passion in Ukraine for Natalie and Michael. Nat scrambles up some eggs and brews some coffee. Mike feels the need to tell producers how incredible the sex was. Natalie looks like she wants to crawl under the nearest table. He wants her mom to join them but Natalie wants to talk first. About having a baby ASAP. Mike hasn’t even choked down his eggs yet and doesn’t want to hear about her eggs.
On our 90 Day Fiance recap what Natalie doesn’t know is that Mike has a boat load of debt and a barn-dwelling uncle to support. I can’t help but get Dwight Schrute and cousin Mose vibes at the beet farm from Mike and Uncle Beau. I can picture Beau running and hiding in closets when Natalie gets to the compound. He mumbles about focusing on her visa for now. And yells for her mom to join them so he can nip the baby talk in the bud.
— Officially Kanisha Chinn (@kanishachinn) December 2, 2019
Michael Believes In Close Encounters
On 90 Day Fiance, Natalie takes Mike to dinner to meet her best pal Svetlana. Over some delish Ukrainian fare, Michael gets interrogated on everything from Nat’s ex husband to his religion. While Lana, as they call her, rapid fires questions, Mike sweats and Natalie whimpers. On the subject of religion, Michael says he’s never been to church and doesn’t believe in God, but he does believe in spaceships and aliens. Maybe too much late night moonshine with Uncle Beau on the farm?
Later, Natalie takes Michael out for a jog on 90 Day Fiance. Mid-jog she turns into a drill sergeant. Run on your tees! (Toes). Breathe deep. And put a baby in me already. Michael says he enjoys the jog, but he’s bugged that she got emotional about her ex. So, he brings it up when they stop for a breather. Natalie explains to producers that she left her tough guy ex because the subject of kids kept getting put off. You hear that Michael? You better step it up and we don’t mean the running.
— Matthew 🧽 (@MRisingStar18) December 2, 2019
Mursel Plays Dumb and Anna Has Second Thoughts on 90 Day Fiance
Mursel Mistanoglu and Anna Campisi plan their bee themed wedding. It makes sense since that’s the only thing they have in common. Anna bottles honey for favors. Meanwhile Mursel gets the task of making a honeycomb altar. Which looks like someone started to put together something from IKEA and abandoned it a quarter of the way through. She decides to whip out the translator app and pick a fight mid-task.
On 90 Day Fiance, Mursel has figured out that he can avoid dealing with Anna’s nagging by simply playing the “I don’t understand” card. So he laughs and types in yes or no to every question. He does admit the boys are a problem. Especially the oldest who calls him “stupid”. And he thinks they are spoiled. Anna suggests he talk to them but the tight-lipped Turk just says no. And laughs. She stomps off saying he’s not putting in effort.
Later, Anna goes with a friend to try on wedding dresses. She admits Mursel would like for her to be covered from the neck down and sober for the wedding. But Anna’s got other ideas. She chooses a blingy strapless dress. And then melts down to her friend that nothing’s going right and she’s not sure if he’s the one. After all, it’s hard to imagine a lifetime with someone who only communicates with one syllable answers and thinks your kids are brats. Current buzz: one too many bees in the hive.
Miguel can’t believe the shitshow he’s watching and neither can we tbh #90DayFiance
— T G (@tlash__) December 2, 2019
90 Day Fiance Recap: Anny Pulls No Punches With Robert
This 90 Day Fiance recap shows that Robert’s pretty brave to take Anny to the boxing gym. He has already pushed her to the brink by taking her thrift shopping. And refusing to take down pics of his exes on social media. Not to mention Bryson’s X-rated nana giving her the third degree about birth control. So encouraging her to don boxing gloves in a small space with him takes balls. Anny strikes up a convo in Spanish with the instructor. Damn TLC we need subtitles for this.
Instructor Miguel finds himself ducking questions from the couple – not hooks and upper cuts. He doesn’t understand why Anny would want to marry a cheap ass she only met for one day. And his smirk says it all when Robert defends the social media pics because his kids are in them. Anny admits the work out helped her get rid of some pent-up anger after having to settle for Goodwill over Gucci.
In this 90 Day Fiance recap Robert grabs lunch with Bryson’s grandparents Ben and Stephanie Woodcock. They quiz him about Anny. He brings up Anny’s annoyance over Stephanie asking about birth control. Robert explains that it’s her body, her business. Ben actually questions Robert’s motives which is pretty refreshing. Did he bring her here as a maid and mother figure? Robert says his heart is in it and they need to squash their beef with Anny.
— kenney hate club (@_clindamycin) December 2, 2019
Tania Leaves Syngin Hanging To Go To Witch Doctor School
On 90 Day Fiance, Syngin Colchester went from Times Square to 100 square feet of living space. The free-spirited South African is feeling the pressure from girlfriend Tania Maduro. She’s taking him to see family including her grandma and sister with a newborn to push her baby agenda. Grandma welcomes Syngin with open arms. Tania is quick to shove the baby at him and tell him he’s a natural.
In an aside with producers, Tania tells Syngin that she literally (LITERALLY?) has a clock in her. And that soon half her eggs will dry up and she’ll be left like Angela with no eggs to tote. Syngin wants to know where she got her dubious information. He feels pressure with all this baby talk. He’s certainly not on the same timeline as Tania. Then, Syngin seems annoyed and admits he’s feeling uneasy.
On 90 Day Fiance, Tania explains to her family that the pair have just three months to wed. And get to know each other better. But she will be dipping for 30 of those days. So she can go to Costa Rica and become a witch doctor. That’s right. She’s doing an intensive herbalist crash course. So, she and Syngin can sell dried roots out of their she-shed while she raises their brood. Even grandma thinks this idea stinks like rotten hibiscus. We’ve said it before dude: run…
— Peter Barbounis (@PeteB973) December 2, 2019
Juliana Thinks Michael’s Stingy With his Credit Cards
Michael Jessen and Juliana Custodio head out to do some shopping. Michael thinks Juliana amazing for being able to drive a stick shift. And, she thinks his car and credit cards are badass. Especially when combined. So, the two look for a new couch. Juliana is side-tracked by a sea sponge in a glass dome. She says she watches “Bob Sponge” after she takes her Flintstones vitamins.
On 90 Day Fiance Juliana falls in love with a 14k sofa that looks like it belongs in a waiting area of a Hibachi restaurant. Michael’s not keen on the price. She says he’s mean sometimes. Like about credit cards. That brings up that she bought an entire car on his Wes Banco platinum right before coming to America.
She explains that she wasn’t sure if she’d get the visa. And no worries because said car is now in use as a cab for her sister to make coin. Michael isn’t too thrilled that he unknowingly financed Juliana’s family jitney service. Later the couple and his two kids move into their new home. Without the couch. For now. Juliana admits this is the life she dreamed of. And that she used to steal food from her neighbors in tough times. Even without the couch, Juliana got the life Anny was hoping for. Talk about a green card lottery…
Jasmin does drink because she doesn't want poison in her body…
— luv_2_h8_zillas (@luv_2_h8_zillas) December 2, 2019
90 Day Fiance Recap: Jasmin Is a Teetotaler and a Complete Bore
Our 90 Day Fiance recap reveals that Blake Abelard’ss super excited to show off his girl Jasmin to his friends in LA. However Jasmin Lahtinen is still “jet ligged”. So she’s moping around about having to spend the day by a pool in sunny California. And having to actually speak. Everyone orders a fun fruity cocktail except Jasmin. She doesn’t drink. Damn. This girl is a Finnish Debbie Downer. And Blake’s friends seem a little put off by her snotty facade. Then, she just ups and leaves to go back to the room for more rest.
Blake takes her out to dinner and walks on eggshells. She can’t really move the muscles in her face because of all the Botox so it’s impossible to get a read on her. Until she tells him point-blank that she really doesn’t talk while she’s eating. Translation: shut up and eat, Blake. Then, he hears in an emotionless fembot voice that she wants to go to bed. And that she likes to be alone. Especially in bed.
— Stanley’s Attitude (@StanleyAttitude) December 2, 2019
Emily Wants Sasha To Be More Hands-On With Baby David
On 90 Day Fiance, Emily McCue and Sasha Larin take newborn son David out for the first time. Three-time dad Sasha dresses the baby for frigid weather. Emily is having trouble adjusting. TLC does a quick 90’s style montage and the baby is suddenly six months older.
It seems Sasha works as a personal trainer from 5:30 am to 11:30 pm most days. Wait what? Certainly he’s doing more than counting reps and sets with these hours. Plus, the pumped up papa also forgot to apply for the baby’s passport, so they are stuck in Russia temporarily.
What’s on Sasha’s iPad?
When Sasha is home, he lounges shirtless and plays on an iPad while the baby relaxes in a chair. We don’t see the iPad screen, but considering Sasha’s past, it’s probably Russian Tinder. His third baby is now 6 months old, so it’s about time to move on.
Sahsa using his iPad doesn’t sit well with Emily who thinks that he should be teaching the baby Russian and unplug. Then, she leaves the room and Sasha teaches little David his first phrase: “Stop nagging me woman”. Sasha says that this is a pattern with him. He knocks someone up, they pop out a kid, and then expect him to help out. Now, he fears Emily is becoming this way too.
Later on 90 Day Fiance, Emily is relieved that the paper work is all done and the three will head to the United States. So, she wonders if Sasha has the ability to parent and not just create random infants. Hmmm. Maybe a little something you could have thought about earlier, Emily?
Next week, Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi return to 90 Day Fiance. Be sure to watch Sunday night at 8 PM on TLC.
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