90 Day Fiance Recap – Jesse Stomps Darcey’s Heart While Tarik Drops a Sick Beat – Before The 90 Days S2 E9 ‘The Things We Do For Love’

The 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days recap for S2 E9 ‘Things We Do For Love’ reveals three proposals and a break-up. Darcey Silva got dumped by Jesse Meester. Ricky Reyes almost drowned. Tarik Myers did a bad rap and Hazel finally says yes. There ain’t no mountain high enough for a horny Angela Deem. Jon Walters makes a faux pas and Rachel Bear sulks. One low note was Paul Staehle and bride Karine suffer a tragedy. Let’s dig into what happened in the episode.

90 Day Fiance – Jon Walters Traffic Rage

On The 90 Day Fiance, Rachel Bear and baby Lucy get ready to go across the pond for her wedding to Jon Walters. Lucy is quite the seasoned traveler happily holding her bottle on the plane. Rachel clues us in that she is upset about something she found out about Jon that’s making her head spin. Very importantly, Jon actually makes it to the airport this time instead of puking in the London Streets.

Jon and Rachel have a bout of airport tonsil hockey then head out. They’re going to a pre-wedding dinner but Jon drops a bomb on his bride-to-be. Turns out the tiny trash man invited an ex to their soiree. Rachel looks even more constipated (if that’s possible) and tells him this is inappropriate. Remember that Before the 90 Days showed us in the past about Jon likes his friends with benefits, so…

Rachel Bear’s prince charming says he ran into his ex and because it was the thing to do, he dropped an invite to the dinner. His future wife disagrees. We saw a flash of Jon’s temper when She failed to warn him of a left, no right, no left turn. Doesn’t he have UK Waze? Lucy Bear watched from the back seat, ever-watching, ever-judgmental. Can you blame her?  

Before the 90 Days – Rachel Bear Creeps on Facebook

Then on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Jon books an idyllic cottage for the trio to stay before the wedding. Lucy is relieved until they stick her in a pack-and-play in a pitch-black room. Makes the attic at Jon’s mum’s place look like the Hilton! With Lucy out of the way, TLC scripted some faux drama for the bar-brawler and his bear.

Rachel makes up some story about how her laptop somehow accidentally logged onto Jon’s Facebook account and keeps forcing her to cyberstalk him. That’s how she sees him messaging an ex. Apparently, Jon told the chick that he “really did love her” in the past and is a different person now.

This does not sit well with Rachel whose self-esteem is hanging on by a quickly unraveling thread. He explains it by saying he felt bad for breaking this person’s heart. He clarifies it’s not the same ex who’s invited to the party. Rachel’s face twitches as Lucy tries to figure out how she’s the most mature person in the room. (Fans also want to know…)

90 Day Fiance: Tarik Myers wants Hazel out of the shot

90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days’ Tarik Myers cannot believe his luck that Asia’s answer to Angelina Jolie loves him. He is ready to video chat his daughter Auri so they can begin bonding. Tarik rings up his ex Rose but the phone rings unanswered. Just in case, Tarik wants Hazel out of sight. Tarik admits he’s not told his ex about his new dead-eyed dearie.

Tarik and Hazel head to lunch. From behind, it looks like Tarik’s romancing Cousin Itt. Girl needs a haircut. Hazel Cagalitan scares Tarik by threatening to marry a wealthy Japanese man like her sister did. This same sister doesn’t like Tarik. He responds the way only a real man can when threatened by a rival – he throws down a rap track.

Tarik Drops Some Mad Rhymes – Then Down to One Knee

Fans of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days got a real treat this week as Tarik wrote a rap for Hazel! While pondering whether to propose after the whole Japanese guy thing, Tarik wonders if the universe is trying to tell him something. It is.

Dear Tarik,

Hazel isn’t into you! She only wants a green card. She won’t even maintain eye contact.

Best Wishes, The Universe

P.S. Stop wearing mesh tank tops… it’s gross.

On the beach, Tarik’s got a portable speaker and you can feel the “Say Anything” vibe happening. Later, we’ll wish he said nothing. Tarik Mayers asks Hazel if she loves him for real. She says yes and he hands her the speaker and drops his rhyme on Hazel. The lyrics are something like “A brother wants to make you his around the way girl” and “welcome to Virginia Beach”.

Somewhere LL Cool J dies a little inside knowing he inspired this drivel. While Hazel reels from the impromptu hip-hop serenade, Tarik is on one knee holding out a ring.  Hazel fidgets, stares blankly, and finally asks “what is that”? Undeterred by her lack of enthusiasm, he pops the question to Hazel’s ever-impassive face.

Hazel looks over her shoulder several times, perhaps waiting on the Japanese businessman to show up. More crickets. Hazel blurts out okay and Tarik is over the moon. He says he now has what people write songs about. Let’s just hope it’s not him writing them. This might be mutually least passionate proposal in all of recorded human history.

90 Day Fiance – Sour Grapes In The Big Apple

On 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Jesse Meester looks out the window of his NYC hotel room in a variety of poses intended to literally put him in the best light. He rubs his pale stubble and paces. He can’t contain his sinister excitement as he prepares to crush Darcey’s heart.  While hinting he found out something terrible about her, he confirms he fears the tiny “choo trowing” terror.

Across town, Darcey waxes poetic about their upcoming rendezvous in Riverside Park. Production treats us to a close-up of her little sausage toes shoved in a preposterously high heel. Foreshadowing perhaps? Will she “trow” it later? She’s excited with no idea that the Dutch dude plans to rip out her heart – will he cut it on the bias?

Before the 90 Days – Darcey’s Issues

Darcey Silva arrives at the park dragging her emotional baggage while popping out of her dress. Jesse Meester compliments her weather-inappropriate dress as he begins the psychological torture. She tells him that his eyes are amazing. Glee over dumping her must have them gleaming. He loads her into an Uber to relocate to a warmer climate to devastate her.

Barely in the Uber, Darcey summons her crazy. Jesse drops the bomb that he learned she and her sister were arrested for brawling. He says he’s tired of her lies, deceit, and manipulation. For the final blow, he says she needs help for her “alco-whism”. They argue over who will get the dramatic Uber exit but Darcey wins the final round.

It’s the scene 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days fans have been awaiting. Darcey storms off, ponytail flying behind her screaming “Get outta my life!” Jesse is unmoved and as always, his hair remains perfect.

Angela Deem- Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

90 Day‘s Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi climb a mountain in Nigeria. She huffs and puffs, and nearly blows Michael down. TCL shared a behind the scenes tidbit on Twitter that after scaling the edifice, Angela sat down for a smoke. Michael must have been thrilled based on what we see next. He professes his love for Ang – he is hanging onto that American dream like the boulder Ang is perched on.

Later on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Angela Facetimes daughter Scottie Deem (who’s in the news for allegations of sexual misconduct with a minor). Angela is all sprawled out at the glorious Lagos Travel Inn. Most importantly, she’s got Marlboro Reds and a boozy drink at the ready, Angela shares she’s still on the fence about proposing to Michael. Scottie thinks Michael should be the one proposing.

Michael Gets His Trump Card

Over dinner, Michael makes a heartfelt plea to Angela to forgive his web of lies and BJ’s and move forward. He is concerned about how he will relate to her life and family. She says she lives a boring life in the country and wants to know if he can handle it. Angela could tell him that her floors are coated in broken glass and he has to live barefoot and he’d still say okay to her terms and conditions.

Michael wants to be in ‘Merica dammit. Angela hands over a small American flag and then he unfolds to find the pawn shop ring is there. Michael is elated and hugs Angela like he NEVER has before. He’s so thrilled at the prospect of being 6000 miles closer to Donald Trump that he drops to his knee and surprises Angela with a ring. Aww. He’s one step closer to his dreams of Trump Tower.

Why Is Marta on this Show?

TLC continues to force us to watch footage of non-couple Daya and Marta. She and her stripper pal did Soul Cycle at the gym. She tells her friend what we saw on the last episode. 90 Day Fiance treats us to the same screenshots of the foreign dude and that’s it. Why? Why are we watching this? They could give this screen time to Jesse to stare pensively out a window or Ricky to find another woman to romance.

Ricky Reyes takes the Plunge on 90 Day Fiance

On 90 Day Fiance, We catch up with Ricky Reyes and Ximena Parra as they hike down a hillside. Ximena warns him to be aware of big snakes. Does she not realize there is no bigger snake than tricky Ricky by her side? Ricky seems to be packing on the pounds on his Colombian quest for love. His fanny pack might not clip closed pretty soon.

He speaks of wanting them to video chat with his daughter Amber. Ximena questions if Melissa ever video chatted with Amber. He says no, although the two would’ve probably had more in common to discuss. Like braces and homework. Then again, since Melissa was a production plot twist, this whole discussion is entirely too cringeworthy.

Ximena gets the brilliant idea that Ricky, who says he can’t swim, should jump in the water to prove himself. This will be “closure” for the whole Melissa mess. He takes the plunge and Ximena claps as he thrashes about. Panting he grabs the side of the dock in panic. The crew has to pull him to safety where he claims to have almost died.  

The Love of His Life – For Today Anyway

Rickey is shaky as he slaps water on his face and gets ready to propose to the love of his life of the moment. He rehearses in the mirror, likely after studying the script producers handed him. Ricky and Ximena eat lunch on a dock on the bay (shameless Otis Redding reference) and he decides it’s time to propose. He’s still married, but why slow down for that legality?

Ricky springs the ring and Ximena says yes and cries. They walk off into the sunset and Ricky teaches her to say fiancé. It would be romantic if he wasn’t a fibber who’s not filed for divorce, wasn’t wearing a fanny pack, and was on 90 Day Fiance with pure intentions. They should have left him in the water since he’s acting like a bottom feeder.

Paul and Karine’s Heartbreak

Breaking from the humor our usual recap, we send sincere condolences to Paul Staehle and his wife Karine Martins on the loss of their baby. It was terrible for them to live this moment and shocking that it aired on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days. Their baby had a genetic abnormality and couldn’t survive. Both were devastated and next week’s episode covers Karine’s surgery.

Because it was a very sad turn of events, it was a tough thing for viewers to watch who tuned in for romance. On a brighter note, Karine is now in a healthy pregnancy (as of this writing). Besides that, rumor has it Karine might be carrying twins.

Be sure to watch TLC on Sunday nights for episodes of everyone’s favorite romantic trainwreck and check back with Soap Dirt often for the latest 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days spoilers and news.

**This recap comes courtesy of guest blogger Natalie Smiley and in no way reflects the opinions of Soap Dirt or its staffers and affiliates (although we think it’s hilarious).