Fans of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After can breathe now. Another long season has crawled to an end. Just in time for 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days to settle into the Sunday night 8 pm time slot on TLC like a hungry parasite. The new show has 4 new couples. That’s right. But we aren’t going to get there without being sucked into the Ashley/Jay/Colt/Larissa/ abyss one more time. Like a horror movie when the monster just won’t die. So let’s break down the tears, the walk offs and the diss that was the “Tell All Part 2”.
90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After – Pedro Jimeno And Chantel Everett Dip Out of Tell All Part 2
On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, there’s a few empty seats on the couch. Pedro and Chantel have dipped. But wait, Chantel’s left boob is joining in via video chat. Oh no sorry that’s just Azan. A tortured Ashley Martson squirms on the couch. Host Shaun Robinson starts off with asking Jay Smith how many women he’s had sex with in America. He raises his hand with confidence and says 2. Then remembers he forgot to include his wife in that number. So it’s actually 3. If Shaun throws in a few more reminders, that number would probably go higher.
Paola Mayfield who has nothing to complain about right now besides Russ Mayfield’s very existence on the planet, chimes in. She tells Ashley she wouldn’t accept infidelity. And smirks as she asks how many times she’s filed for divorce from the horny Jamaican. Ashley shuts her down with a simple ” shut the f*ck up Paola.” From deep inside Russ smiles. His manhood has been dormant for so long. It might have even moved.
This 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After recap finds Jay Smith finding it hard to sit still – Like most teenagers do. He says there is way more to the story than Ashley is letting on. And that they have all night to set the record straight. Host Shaun looks riveted. But she’s really just trying to remember if she bought cat litter. She does ask Jay if he’s got something to say. What did Ashley do? She admits she is controlling. Ashley, nobody likes a helicopter parent.
I’m calling the police hello cops I got cheated on
— Bella G 💃🏻 (@bella_xo12) July 29, 2019
Andrei Castravet The Angry Young Handyman – 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After
To be fair, Elizabeth’s dad Chuck Potthast seems like a pretty good guy. The kind of guy who wears his Docksider shoes till they fall apart. And really just wants a cold beer and a thank you now and then. Andrei my friend, You’re playing this all wrong dude. The minute the khaki shorts clad dad appears on-screen you go on the defense. And just because you say you have a job it doesn’t sound like you really do. Kind of like when Pao says she’s a model. It’s a nice thought. But it really doesn’t hold up in court.
On the 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After tell all part 2, Andrei threw wife Libby under the bus. He tells her Dad that she doesn’t even like working for him so why should he. Burn. A video clip showcases Andrei’s angriest moments including the famous “STAHP TEXTING THEM!” when he grabs a phone out of a preggo Libby’s hand. This was certainly tough for Chuck to see. Andrei, listen to me. Go back home, buy poppa Chuck a cold one and shoot the shit over a bag of pork rinds. Trust me.
— Jsicka (@j_sicka23) July 29, 2019
Debbie, Larissa and Colt: Three’s Company No More
This 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After recap shows Larissa Dos Santos Lima still on board via video chat. Colt Johnson is squirming on the couch when she speaks. She cries a little and says she really did love Colt. But it wasn’t enough. She says she doesn’t blame Debbie Johnson. We see some video clips of the good old days. Like when Debbie threw a severed hand at Larissa. Or Larissa calls her a territorialist.
During a break Colt says seeing her has brought up old feelings. Then Colt’s mother Debbie storms in to the set. Larissa pretends to be nice. She even says hi. And that she might even give her a hug if she sees her. Deb’s having none of it. She wants her a*s deported.
Next up on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After Debbie says living with Larissa was hell. And we see more clips of life at La Casa Johnson.Larissa admits that she can get “moody”.
We revisit when Larissa threw her ring down the toilet. Debbie’s head is now spinning like the exorcist. So host Shaun decides it’s time for a little pause. She asks the others if they’d ever had a fight so bad they took their ring off. Of course Pao says yes. Nicole chimes in “that one time after the last cancelled trip”…..crickets.
Nicole: Yeah, I think we’ll be married within a year
— AlloMudda AlloFadda (@keri_lowe_) July 30, 2019
Colt Launches a Water Bottle on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After
With Debbie in need of an airplane bottle of Old Grandad STAT, Larissa and Colt kind of flirt. When asked if she could ever go back to Colt. Larissa even says “never say never”. Host Shaun uses this moment to ask her if someone is there with her. In slides Larissa’s new “boyfriend” Eric Nichols. Larissa uses the opportunity to rub her new boyfriend in Colt’s face.
Debbie’s head explodes as Larissa laughs at Colt. Host Shaun quizzes Eric about how he felt hearing that last bit where Larissa says never say never. Eric is here for his 15 minutes, so it’s fine.
On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Colt waddled off set clutching a bottle of water. Larissa laughs and Debbie calls her a piece of sh*t. How dare she mock Coltee on national TV! The last time someone mocked her baby boy in high school Debbie took matters into her own hands. Where do you think that endless supply of beef stew meat came from. Watch your back Larissa.
Debbie follows Colt out into the hallway. He launches his water bottle about 10 inches. Debbie tries to intervene when producers ask him to come back. He actually tells her to go away. He agrees to return if Eric isn’t on-screen. Production tells Eric he has to leave the screen.
Colt doesn’t want to talk to Larissa anymore. Deep in the bowels of the studio an echo rages “I want her deported!”
— Tabitha Torres-Solis (@TMelgarejo85) July 29, 2019
Azan Tefou and Nicole Nafziger: The Never Ending Story
On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Azan appears like a mirage. Robbalee Fouraker, Nicole’s mom and BS detector is there on the couch. As Azan twitches like a scared Chihuahua, Nicole beams at the shady Moroccan. They admit it’s been a year since they’ve breathed the same air. Nicole denies that the e-mails her step-father Joe Fouraker received about Azan are true. That he’s using her for money and has no intention of marrying her.
Host Shaun asks the weary Robbalee if she thinks Azan will ever marry her daughter. She says it’s a good question, but let’s ask Azan. Azan tries desperately to disconnect from the call but can’t. When asked about his “store”, he says it does exist. But there’s nothing in it now. Host Shaun asks Nicole why the trip to Grenada was cancelled. She says she doesn’t know what to say. Azan says it’s “private”. Robbalee’s bulls*it detector is in overdrive, so we move on.
So tired of the people on #90DayFianceHappilyEverAfterTellAll … everyone walking off stage. Um is this the Jerry Springer?! None of u are right for each other. Nicole to dumb that she's being played her and her dumb smirk. Larissa acting like an a.hole on the screen. Ridiculous
— Mellowdy (MelodyBelle) (@Mellowdy9) July 29, 2019
The Barber Shop Boys Make a Cameo on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After
One of the best things about 90 Day Fiance is the supporting cast we meet along the way. Jay Smith found himself in a very different world when he moved to Ashley’s home town of Mechanicsburg, Pa. But he found a little slice of comfort with the barber shop bros Michael and Kendall. That is until they threw his cheating a*s under the bus after a bathroom hook up at the shop.
On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, Michael and Kendall appear to rehash Jay’s love in the loo moment. Jay says he’s not uncomfortable because he knows sh*t on them too. Including that Kendall hit on Ashley behind his back. Kendall and Ashley deny it. They call him a fraud and tell him not to talk tough. Jay walks off set. The questions now turn to Ashley. Host Shaun wants to know why after she took him back when he rushed to her side at the hospital, they are on the outs again.
Ashley confides that in the middle of the night she saw Jay’s phone blowing up. And found him exchanging nudes and ” I love you’s” with a girl. She claims he even said she’s my age so leave me alone. Jay, who has since returned to set claims she was texting both her exes. Ashley storms out for good stopping only to grab a bag of SkinnyPop from the green room and ask “which one’s my car”. Reality show diva rule number one: always make a dramatic exit.
Russ is the only decent human being on this entire panel. Everyone else should be deported, Americans included. #90DayFianceHappilyEverAfterTellAll
— Kara Calavera (@KaraCalavera) July 30, 2019
Loose Talk and Loose Ends – The Tell All Fizzles to An End
On 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, if Russ and Paola Mayfield had a tag line it would be so may Tell-Alls, so little time. Meaning screen time. Because doing inventory at Azan’s make believe beauty store is more exciting than listening to you whine Paola. How dare your husband actually work and make money to support you and your child. The utter nerve of him! Can you imagine a man having to travel because you forced him to live in a place where their aren’t opportunities in his field!
Girl do you hear yourself? And for your information popping your booty while standing on an upside down beer bucket for an amateur photographer 3 years ago doesn’t make you Giselle. Never will. Russ, we feel your pain buddy. Kudos to you for supporting your wife and child.
This 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After ends with just a bit of extra cringe brought to us by everybody’s favorite numbskull Nicole Nafziger. Video of the two new babies ( Eleanor Castravet and Axel Mayfield) being born drive Nicole to tears. When asked why she’s so emotional she says it’s because she’s thinking of when she can start a family with Azan. Hey if you believe that I’ve got a makeup store I could sell you in the desert. And I’ll give you 55 percent off. It’s been real !
Be sure to check Soap Dirt for all 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After updates and tune into 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days on Sundays at 8 on TLC.