90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days finds Lisa Hamme cranky (as usual) on a Nigerian roadside after SojaBoy said her bossy ways wouldn’t fly in his Hausa culture. Dumb and Dumber, AKA Yolanda Leaks and David Murphey, can’t see catfish even when they smack them in the face.
Relationship guru Ash Naeck throws a full-scale tantrum when Avery Warner questions his shaky seminar. And Rose Marie Vega takes down Ed Brown. Meanwhile, Erika Owens comes out to her parents over Chinese food. Grab some takeout, and let’s get to the highlights of season 4 episode 11 Private Eyes. You can catch the show Sunday nights at 8 on TLC.
Baby Girl Lisa Hits Another Roadblock With SojaBoy
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, crabby elder Lisa Hamme is jacked off at Usman Umar. She doesn’t want to play by Hausa rules. BGL says they have to find common ground if their union is gonna work. But, Usman knows what has to be done as he sees his dream of coming to America slipping. SojaBoy consents to a 60-40 power balance. Then, Lisa Hamme emits a happy grunt. The two engage in some PDA, damage viewer eyeballs, and get ready for the next steps.
Next, Lisa Hamme road trips with Usman Umar to Abuja, Nigeria. Painfully, the song he claims he wrote for Lisa plays, and he raps along. This man is serious about that green card. They’ll visit the marriage registry to get the ball rolling. Of course, Lisa Hamme has to gripe and says the building is like it’s “terrible out of the fifties.” The two sit down to file the paperwork and get a bit of bad news on 90 Day Fiance.
They need Lisa Hamme’s divorce documents — which are back in York, PA somewhere. Enraged Lisa lets out a long angry grunt. To be continued…. The good news is, this gives Usman time to run. The bad news is — we know he doesn’t. Soja wants that visa from Lisa, and we’ve confirmed they married. But, it’s also clear Lisa Hamme’s not respecting Usman’s culture, at least not in scenes TLC’s shown.
A Tale Of Two Catfish on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
One Fish, Two Fish, Catfish, Clueless – the name of the upcoming book about David and Yolanda and their foreign “lovers”. From there to here, from here to there, online scammers are everywhere. Yolanda and David could star in a modern-day Dr. Suess tale. These two have so much in common. They both live in Las Vegas. Both are no spring chickens. And both believe scorching, much younger people, want to get with them.
Yolanda gets help from her kids on Before The 90 Days. All it takes is a quick reverse image search by her son. Once he loaded Williams’ pic into the search bar, it came up as “stock photo of muscular hunky man.” Surely this is a coincidence. So, 90 Day Fiance eager-beaver Yolanda demands he “Try another one!”. Same thing. Well, maybe William’s last name is JPEG? And that is him. Yolanda says she needs to talk to him again. Certainly, Williams can explain this.
— Princess Caroline (@YogaTheBear) May 4, 2020
David’s loss of common sense and reality is far more disturbing. He hires a private investigator to find “Lana” — who has now stood him up four times. His Ukrainian lady friend comes to translate. And it’s as clear as day even in another language. Lana is also a stock image on 90 Day Fiance. She has multiple names and accounts and communicates with many men. David is angry. “No. That is a bunch of lies! He doesn’t know her! She sends emojis”.
And it looks like next episode he is going back to Ukraine. Wow. At what point is this nonsense elder abuse that TLC’s airing?
Ash Puts Himself In Time Out
Ash is a relationship (cough cough) coach — who claims he doesn’t use a method on 90 Day Fiance. Or follow any type of model. He prefers instead to flirt with his clients — who are all women. His babble about old-school gender roles and hack other people’s material. This was clear at the seminar he conducted on the last episode. And Avery’s now calling him out on it. Ash can surely dish out advice from his “nothing box.” But, he apparently can’t take it.
Ash runs to a waiting car on Before The 90 Days. Avery stays put by the water in the warmest looking turtleneck known to man. She looks like she’s craving a cannabis lollipop to suck. Ash whines to 90 Day Fiance producers that he feels attacked by Avery — and “stripped down.” He comes back to talk to her and Avery deadpans with more on her fears of his crazy sexist talk and emotional immaturity.
Later, Ash still stomps around and pouts. He says she attacked him after a pretty girl at the seminar called him out and bruised his ego. But, 90 Day Fiance‘s Avery “doesn’t care,” he yells. He calls her heartless and says he feels like a dog she kicked. I mean, come on. Are you this bent out of shape by a cashmere-wearing pot chef? Ash again exits, saying he’s deeply hurt and puts himself in time out. For now, anyway. Perhaps he should consult a relationship coach.
Avery could be a better relationship coach than Ash 🙃 He is so used to people drinking his koolaid, he doesn't know what to do with an opposing opinion, po fella. #90DayFiance #90DaysFianceBeforeThe90Days
— Mel K (@mittamadda) May 4, 2020
Darcey Silva’s Drama Continues on 90 Day Fiance — Done & Dusted Tom Moves On
Darcey Silva is dolled up and stuffing a key into an envelope. Not just any key, but “the” key Tom Brooks gave her over a calamari appetizer as she headed out of London. He claimed it was the key to his heart and his home. But, really, it was a parting gift as he knew she’d be an ocean away from his front door. Darcey now refers to it as a “rickety a*s dull a*s key” that no longer belongs under her pillow in the United States.
Tom strolls NYC on Before The 90 Days, and talks about a tale of “Two Darceys.” One, a nurturing and warm yet insecure stage-5 clinger. And the other a tiny, tipsy terror. Tom pops into a tavern and orders a buttery chardonnay before FaceTiming the new love of his life, Shannon, whom he’s known for a few weeks. He ups the cringe a few levels by smarmily saying, “hey baby.”
On 90 Day Fiance, his new bae looks somewhat like the version of herself Darcey photoshops on Instagram. She asks how things went with Darcey. Tom swirls his wine and says it was truly horrific — and he doesn’t think he will ever see Dah-cee again. Tom asks if he can fly up to Canada and stay with her so he doesn’t have to return to England and fade into reality TV oblivion just yet. And she actually says yes. Wonder if she’ll give him a key?
Erika Comes Out To Her Parents Over Take Out
Erika and Stephanie are still pretending to be a couple on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Meanwhile, stuffy Steph cringes at the mere suggestion of an IRL future with the sparkly Aussie. It seems Steph is counting the days till she can go home and upload a YouTube video called “That time I pretended to be bi-sexual on a reality show.” It’s a shame, too, because Erika is using this relationship to come out to her parents finally.
Erika’s folks are warm and welcoming and make the mistake of asking Steph if she likes Australia. Of course, 90 Day Fiance whiner Steph explains in WebMd terms her unfortunate disorder. And it’s her disease, not her insufferably dull personality. Erika decides to cut to the chase after munching a crab rangoon. Steph is actually here as my “pawt-nur” she exclaims. To which Erika’s dad replies “would you like more fried rice?”.
Her parents are happy and take the news in stride on 90 Day Fiance. It’s hugs and relief all around except for Steph, who looks like a potsticker’s lodged in her throat. When asked about the future, the girls admit it might involve Erika moving to New York. Again mom and pop are cool with it. They want to know if Steph has told her family yet. Steph says no. They probably already know she’s faking it on TLC for the cameras.
— PollyannaFlwr (@PollyannaFlwr) May 4, 2020
Little Rose Takes Down Big Ed on Before The 90 Days
It’s no secret there is a huge size difference between Rose and Big Ed. It was very apparent while they swam in the resort pool. TLC treated us to bonus underwater footage of Rose bouncing off Ed’s belly as he tried score water-logged haliks, after tossing her around. But Rose’s slim stature didn’t stop her from taking Ed down in a TKO with just her words and glare on 90 Day Fiance.
Ed waits till after the pool frolic session to break the news to Rose that he doesn’t want any more kids. Despite knowing all along it was important to Rose. He’s still planning to get snipped the minute he gets back to the US. Rose is understandably confused and sad. She (like all of us) wants to know why he couldn’t have mentioned this sooner. Anyway, she needs time to think this one through on Before The 90 Days.
In the morning, Ed snugs his bed-head into a half-man bun and combs the resort looking for Rose. When he finally sees her, he’s unprepared for her to lay him out, which she does with cold precision on 90 Day Fiance. “I know who you are”, she begins — then details all the seriously sh*tty things he’s done. Like lying about his height, the STD test BS, insulting her breath, intentions, and life. She slaps him with a simple “I’m done” as she channels Coltee’s mama Deb. Mic drop.
Big Ed is speechless and so we wait yet again for next week… Are his days of halik-ing done? Will BG Lisa grunt her way through her wedding vows. Wait a week and see on TLC.
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