On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Lisa Hamme’s marital fate lies with a goat named Barney. The Family Usman says yes to the goat but no to the nag. Ed Brown plays a game of Survivor Philippines. Stephanie Matto’s offline persona alienates Erika Owens. David Murphey drives nine hours looking for Lana the candy catfish. The Darcey show continues its run the Big Apple while Ash Naeck distracts Avery with a crikey croc cruise. Let’s wade through the muck of Season 4 episode 8, Stranger In A Strange Land. The show airs Sunday nights on TLC.
Lisa Hamme Gifts a Goat To Usman’s Mom on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Baby Girl Lisa Hamme and Baby Love Usman Umar leave the Sokoto Suites after a rough night. Usman needed a break from his American old lady. This didn’t go over well with Lisa and they had a fight. But it’s time to go meet Usman’s mom to get a marital blessing. So that means choosing innocent livestock for Lisa to send to the slaughter in exchange for marrying a “famous” rapper who showers with a bucket.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Lisa Hamme complains about everything from the goat’s attitudes to the way they smell. After she chooses the goat, Lisa says she’s being ripped off because she’s white. Usman says it’s not so. While Lisa stands in goat droppings with a man young enough to be her son, Usman says he will not have her pay “the price of white”. The goat will be the one paying that price.
On the way back, Lisa Hamme decides to name the goat Barney. She says her fate now lies with the goat. SojaBoy admits that his mom didn’t speak to him for three months when she found out about Lisa. His family doesn’t want him marrying a white Christian woman. Lisa Hamme seems nervous and points out without the blessing, she’ll fly back to ‘Merica a single woman, not a 90 Day Fiance. No pressure, Goat Barney.
Mama SojaBoy Says It’s a Capital “No” On Before The 90 Days
Usman helps Lisa into traditional Hausa garb. Her dress looks like it came from the Jaclyn Smith for KMart resort wear collection. The 90 Day Fiance duo arrives at Usman’s family home. Poor Barney the goat makes sounds like Lisa did when other women approached him at da club. Usman’s mom and sisters sit in a semi-circle around BG Lisa Hamme who smirks as they try to comprehend what this is about.
Usman’s sisters are surprised on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. They were expecting a younger girl. Not a 50-something white woman in hoop earrings and geometric print. Usman’s mom wants to know what she does back in the states. She says she’s a hospice nurse for dying people. In a last-chance effort to get a green card, Usman translates that Lisa is a doctor back in America. Hmm – like he’s a famous rapper.
Mother Usman nods and smiles on 90 Day Fiance. His brother Mohammed joins as Usman explains he’d like to marry Lisa. While his bro’s visibly shaken, his mom shakes her head no. Then, she clarifies it’s not just no, but a capital NO – and leaves. They clear out immediately. Usman says that’s worse. So, Lisa Hamme goes off saying he had months to practice. So, it’s back to the hotel to cook up plan B.
— LiaNa Bro0kE #stayHOME (@Liana_bro0ke) April 13, 2020
Welcome To The Jungle, Big Ed Brown
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Ed Brown starts to panic. It’s storming and the roof is leaking in the flat Rose Marie shares with her sister, Maria. Ed’s Ultra-Lux 1000 thread count sheets from the Martha Stewart collection never arrived. So, Ed’s slightly freaked out that Rose sleeps on a mat on the floor with no air-con. Ed’s panicked also about the exposed electrical wires. Rose tells him to calm down.
Things get even worse when Rose’s dad says he’ll stay there tonight too. Ed is relieved when her dad goes to another part of the house to lie down on 90 Day Fiance. Ed wakes and says he survived. But it ain’t over yet. Rose’s pop Freddie wants to take a shower with Ed. This consists of them shirtless while Rose pours cold water on them then turning the hose on Ed like a circus animal. He freaks over a rat lurking nearby.
Suddenly, Ed wants to take Rose on a vacation. In other words, to a hotel with AC and running water. He wants to ask Freddie permission first. So, they hop a bus to Fred’s pig farm where he lives on 90 Day Fiance. There, Ed puts plastic on his shoes but falls into pig poop. Freddie is amused but agrees Ed can take Rose. He second-guesses if Rose is using him as a way out of “the jungle”. The answer seems obvi, right?
Darcey: “I didn’t want Stacey or my kids to see me like this….
— 90 Day Cray (@90DayCray) April 13, 2020
Darcey’s Midlife Crisis Tour Continues in NYC on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Darcey Silva is dramatically draped in a robe in a midtown Manhattan hotel. Lounging in bed with perfectly gelled brows and crocodile tears, she says “it hurts”. She didn’t take the train back to Connecticut because she didn’t want Stacey and the kids to see her this way. Preferring they wait and watch it on TV with the rest of the world during the quarantine.
On 90 Day Fiance, Darcey says she doesn’t understand why Tom Brooks did this to her face. She hasn’t heard from him and admits she blocked him on WhatsApp. But we all know she left some loopholes if he really wanted to get hold of her. She says Tom turned out to be nothing but a “Jesse in disguise”. Referring of course to her ex, newly minted AARP life coach Jesse Meester.
Tom trolls the banks of the East river and tells 90 Day Fiance production he’s sorry. He says he didn’t know what to do after getting run over yet again by the Darcey train. So, he said mean things. He calls his sister Emma who says “Dah-cee was never the gull for you”. He agrees and the two wrap their call so Tom can take some selfies while the lighting’s still good by the river.
SHE’S MENTALLY BREAKING UP WITH YOU WITH THIS LOOK ALONE: 👀
— tiffani 🏝🍯 (@tiffanicvd) April 6, 2020
Stephanie Matto & Erika Owens: There’s No Crying In the Outback
Turns out it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for this 90 Day Fiance prequel couple. Steph is still miffed that Erika got saucy when she asked why she still had a dating app on her phone. To make matters worse, Erika’s downstairs confiding to a pal that Steph is an uptight bore. And there’s been not even a little jiggy-jiggy. The girls head to Port Augusta to meet Erika’s family and friends.
Steph is almost like a mom dealing with a rebellious teen on 90 Day Fiance. She says Erika shouldn’t air their personal biz. Meanwhile, Erika’s down to talk about their problems. But Stephanie says a long car ride isn’t a good time. Erika rolls her eyes several times. She tells Stephanie that she finds her controlling. Stephanie says it’s because of her health that she likes to know what’s happening at all times.
Later the girls go out for beers with Erika’s friend Paige on 90 Day Fiance. While Steph excuses herself for a bathroom break, Erika spills the beans that there’s been no intimacy or fun. Later, the two cry as Stephanie offers to sleep on the couch. Erika says she just wants Steph to be excited about her but Steph falls back on risking her health to come to her. Erika storms off yet again after mocking Steph’s struggle. Ouch.
— Queenie Steele (@Destyned2suffer) April 13, 2020
Ash Takes Avery On a Crocodile Cruise on 90 Day Fiance
Ash Naeck certainly has a way with words. He whisked Avery Warner to a romantic getaway in his native Australia and compliments her thongs. Avery’s confused until she realizes he means flip flops. The two head out on a crocodile cruise with a tour guide. Avery sips pale ale as they come on a big croc lying low. The tour guide advises caution and says he’s a sneaky monster. Did he mean Ash or the croc?
Later the 90 Day Fiance hopefuls are back on land, Avery wants to talk. She really wants to meet his ex-wife Sian to see if she’s okay with their son Taj coming to America part-time. On Before The 90 Days, Ash tries bait and switch but doesn’t have any wildlife lying around to distract her. He tells her he’s “still working on it”. He previously said it was a done deal. Meanwhile, Ash admits he’s afraid of what his ex will say.
— Alexis Turrentine (@AlexisTComedy) April 13, 2020
David Hits a Dead End at The Candy Shop
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, David Murphey is on a nine-hour drive down old town road to Lana’s hometown. He gets a flat on the pothole-ridden roads. He squats to change the tire as cars whiz by. TLC production’s following, of course. He hasn’t heard anything from the Ukrainian blonde in four days despite reminding us they’ve been in a “relationship” for seven years online that’s cost him 100k.
A hapless David wanders the town in the morning looking for a candy shop he claims she loves. He finds the shop and shows the clerk a picture on his phone asking if she’s seen his 90 Day Fiance “girlfriend”. The shopkeeper holds back laughter and tells him no. So, he sulks back to his hotel to find a message from Lana asking if he’s still down to meet, get a picture, and get this K-1 visa process going already.
David is overjoyed and takes this to mean Lana is who she says she is and is ready to live out life with him in an RV as a 90 Day Fiance bride. Scenes from next week show him eagerly waiting in a cafe with champagne. But who (if anyone) walks through that door? The candy clerk? His friend Anya? It’s anyone’s guess at this point. You can catch Before The 90 Days Sunday nights at 8 PM only on TLC.
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